I like to consider myself somewhat of an expert in the field of human nature. I’m someone who can spend 10 minutes talking with a person and have a pretty good understanding of who they are, what they value, and what their life is like.
This skill has served me well over the years and I’ve forged and terminated relationships because of it.
Now, I have had little to no interaction with most of you who are reading this right now, but I am willing to bet that since you are reading this, you are doing so for a specific reason.
And that reason may be:
- You hate your job and are looking for a solution
- You are looking for a dose of inspiration to get you through your day
- You like to read my story because it is very much like your own
- You like my writing style and feel connected to me in some way
- You love reading F bomb laced articles!!
In any case, I’m glad you’re here and I hope you find what I do to be valuable.
I Know You
For more than a decade I was doing exactly what you are doing right now; grinding out a life that you didn’t necessarily want but feel trapped in.
I know how you feel on Sunday nights. I know what goes through your head on your commute to work. I know how you feel when you sit down at your desk on Monday morning. I know how you feel when you can’t share your feelings with someone about all of this.
And it fucking sucks. Bad.
So here is what I know about you:
1) You are fucking miserable.
You won’t admit this because you think you will be seen as a whiner or ungrateful. But fuck, you ARE ungrateful! Why should you be grateful to have a shitty job earning just enough to pay all your fucking bills?
You think it’s noble to go out there and hump for a living because that’s what is expected of you. Fuck that. I’ve said it before, but there is zero nobility in doing shit you hate just to pay some bills.
How about being happy for a change?!? What a concept!
As for whining, I believe that sharing your unhappiness with your closest friends and family should be a reason for people to respect that fact that you are open enough to admit you are unhappy. Sharing your misery is not whining (unless of course you are whining, and in that case, knock it off).
Sharing these emotions is the first step in getting the fuck out. And when these emotions become so strong that they are debilitating, you will then be forced to make a decision; stay the course and risk giving yourself a stress induced heart attack or make a change. Choose change when you get there or better yet, choose change right now.
2) You are wasting your talents.
You aren’t using them because you aren’t required to in your current job. It’s tough to use those amazing creative skills when your job is doing data entry. The world will never know your gift for coaching because you work in retail.
I have the gift, if you can call it that, to excel in video games. It’s such a nerdy thing to say as a 43 year old former financial advisor, but it’s true. I don’t use this skill to create an awesome iPhone game that could make $100,000 because I am embarrassed to do it.
Why? I will look like a complete dork and don’t want to be “that” guy. So instead I use my other talents to build my online business, my coaching business, and my personal training business.
You also have skills that can be used to make your life better and/or more fulfilling. Maybe you don’t even recognize them because they have been left to rust in the inner workings of your mind for so long.
Do some soul searching. Ask your friends what they think you are best at. What are your natural talents and abilities? Put some effort into figuring this shit out, it’s important stuff.
3) You are not happy in your relationship.
Let’s be honest here. We have a 50% divorce rate in the U.S. which means that half the country has the balls to call it like it is and separate themselves from a bad situation. The other half doesn’t have the balls to do that. Sure, there are millions of happy couples out there, but there are far more that are simply tolerating their significant other because it’s easier.
I would never tell anyone to divorce, because that is miserable beyond words, but the alternative of staying in an unhealthy relationship is worse.
Living quietly with sadness, loneliness, and heartache is the worst thing you can do. It can and will sap all your passion, energy, and dreams from you and leave you feeling like you got hit by a mack truck.
Take it from someone who spent many lonely years in a near passionless marriage. Just because you chose the wrong partner doesn’t mean you are stuck or will never find someone who is more compatible. You will.
4) You are scared shitless to leave your job.
Of course you are. I was too. I spent weeks of sleepless night pondering the effects of my decision to leave a $200 million dollar business behind to pursue my passion for fitness. It was an awful decision to make and caused so much anxiety that I thought my heart might explode at any given moment, but I did it.
And when I quit, I know in my heart that it was the right thing to do.
You probably feel like you can’t quit your job and that’s very common. Too common fortunately. But I have some news for you, it’s all bullshit. I don’t care if you make $500,000 per year and are the sole bread winner of a family of 8, you are not trapped in your job.
Right now, you are comfortable with your job, may feel lucky to even have a job, and have put the thought of leaving out of your mind because it’s unrealistic.
Well, it’s fear that is stopping you from entertaining those conversations. It’s far easier to punch the clock, log another day in the system, and earn your wage, than it is to confront the voice in your head that is screaming “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?”
5) You desperately
want need a change in your life.
Day after day, you are doing the same things. Get up, go to work, come home, have dinner, play with the kids for a few minutes, watch TV, go to bed. Repeat for 50 years. The end.
Sounds awesome, huh? Well this is exactly what you are doing right now.
You can bullshit yourself all you want, but you can’t bullshit me. I know you need a change and need it right now. Your fear of change is holding you back from trying something else. And that fear will persist until the day you die.
Unless you control it.
You don’t think I was scared to leave a highly lucrative career with a great company and loads of money on the horizon? You don’t think I was terrified of leaving my family in order to start my life over and try to find some semblance of happiness and peace in my life.
Of course I was.
Now it’s up to you to control your fears and make a change, big or small. Start today.
6) You feel hopeless (or damn close).
There is no shame in feeling lost and hopeless. I spent years feeling this way and it wasn’t until I started sharing my inner most thoughts on this blog in 2010, that I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
For me it was the feeling of being trapped in my job and my marriage. It might not be so bad for you. Maybe it’s one or the other and for your sake, I hope that’s the case.
When you feel so low that you don’t think it’s conceivable that change is possible, you have a problem. Digging your way out is incredibly challenging, I won’t lie.
But it can be done and must be done. If not, your life will not improve. And you don’t want that.
If there is any one thing you take from this post or for that matter, anything I have ever said, it’s this; there is always hope and always a way out. Your life can be infinitely better and you have the power to change it right fucking now.
7) Your life has little meaning to you.
I’m not saying you feel worthless or are worthless because that’s just not true. What I am saying is that you feel as though you are not doing what matters most to you; your life’s work.
Maybe that’s playing golf, working in a battered women’s shelter, writing sci-fi novels, or speaking on stage in front of thousands of people, but you aren’t doing it and it’s crushing your soul.
I don’t believe it’s realistic to think it’s possible to be super charged 24/7, but I do think it’s possible to wake up each day and feel like you are working towards something worthwhile.
What if your life had real and deep meaning? And for those of you with children, I know that raising them to be well adjusted, productive, hard working, and honest adults is highly meaningful to you. And it is for me as well.
There is nothing I want more in this world than for my daughters to be happy and have a great life. But my life has to have meaning as well. I know my girls will learn from how I live my life. If they see me moping around, working crappy jobs, and eking through life, they will come to think that’s how life should be.
It’s not and I’m not going to teach them that.
What will give meaning to your life?
8) You feel selfish for wanting more out of life.
You wake up each morning, drag your ass out of bed, and prepare for yet another day at the office. Same ol, same ol. Your life is on auto-pilot and you are bored to fucking tears.
Life has to be better than this you think as you hop in your car and prepare for the hour long commute. You can’t tell your spouse about this, because you will be seen as weak and as a complainer. You can’t tell them that you want nothing more than to quit and do something else, anything else.
You think that by wanting something better, you will have to sacrifice your family’s stability and risk losing your home and everything else you’ve worked so hard for. You tell yourself it’s selfish to want out of your situation because it might be difficult for your spouse to handle.
But I can tell you right now with all the conviction I have in my body; you are not selfish for wanting to be happier and more fulfilled. You should be commended for not wanting to settle for what life has given you and to spend the rest of your days going through the motions of life inside your self imposed prison.
Wanting to be happy is not selfish. Those who let you think that are not the people you need to be around. Let them be miserable. You don’t have to be.
I’m sure some of these things touched a nerve with you and no doubt will piss some of you off. “He doesn’t know me” you might say. But I do know you.
I know you because I was you.
Your turn! Am I wrong about these? Did I hit the nail on the head?
I’m not expecting many comments here because those of you who resonate most with this are afraid to admit these things (at least publicly). And that’s OK, I know you are there 🙂