5 Reasons Not To Be An Ungrateful Bastard
Feb

So there I was yesterday morning, just going about my business and planning my day out. My to do list, like most of yours, is about 30 things deep and I’m constantly struggling to keep up with all the things I need think I have to do.
I had an appointment with one of my personal training clients, who I have been working with for about a month now. Now this is a client who struggles with depression and each day seems to be very difficult for her to motivate herself to do much of anything.
Well yesterday she was particularly negative and I knew we weren’t going to make much progress if something didn’t change. So I stopped her workout and asked her 2 simple questions:
- Can you tell me three positive things that you have going on in your life?
- Can you tell me one positive thing about yourself?
It took her almost a full minute to answer the second question and I was floored. How sad is this I thought that this person has such little self worth that she is struggling to find a single redeeming quality about herself.
I should note that this is a bright, well educated, and successful woman.
She went on to explain why she felt she was so negative and felt like her life was so vapid and unfulfilling. I will not share the details of what she told me, but it was heartbreaking. From a difficult childhood, to a highly turbulent marriage, to having ungrateful and spiteful children, she is at her wit’s end and has just about given up.
A Different Perspective
As I listened and tried to process her remarkable story of hardship, I felt helpless and overcome with sadness. Here is a wonderful person who, because she has had such lousy things happen to her in her life, is on the verge of an emotional collapse.
All the bullshit that I tell myself is holding me back from what I want in life seemed so inconsequential at that moment. My challenges in life are a fraction of what this woman is coping with and I felt very selfish about how easy I have it and how I have taken so much for granted.
Glass Half Full or Half Empty?
I realized then that I have been taking my personal situation for granted. Sure, I have a lot of shit going on, some good, some bad, but in the grand scheme of things, I have a frickin cakewalk.
Over the past few months, I have gone through a tremendous amount of change and have realized just how much I have been focusing inward. It’s been all about me. How do I quit my job? How do I find a happier place? How can I make money doing something I love? How will I stay positive? How will I get through this divorce?
And while I know it’s important to focus on these issues, especially since I am in the middle of turning my life around, I have failed to appreciate all that I already have.
I’ve always been a half glass empty person and have always wanted more. I’ve never been content with what I had. As a kid, when I had an Atari, I wanted a Nintendo. When I had a Nintendo, I wanted a Sega Genesis. When I had a Genesis, I wanted a PlayStation.
As an adult, when I had a job as a bartender, I wanted to be a stockbroker. When I got a job as a junior stockbroker, I wanted to be a financial advisor. When I became a financial advisor, I wanted to be a fitness director. When I became a fitness director, I wanted to be a writer.
I don’t know if this is me being ungrateful or just refusing to settle for anything less than what I deserve, but in either case, I want to become a more grateful person.
So Here Are 5 Reasons Not To Be An Ungrateful Bastard:
- I have my freedom. And I don’t mean in the broad sense of the word. Yes, we in the Western world, have freedom, but what I’m referring to is personal freedom. Think about the battered woman who feels completely trapped by her abusive husband. She fears for her life every moment. That’s not freedom. I’ve never had to deal with those issues, but for the millions of women (and a few men), they feel trapped, alone, and paralyzed by fear.
- I have ambition. Unfortunately, many people lose their natural drive to succeed or become better due to external forces. An unsupportive spouse, a critical boss, a soul draining job, being overweight, lacking self esteem, failing too often, or being pessimistic are all things that can and will suck your ambition from you. And without that, what hope do we have to achieve happiness or our personal best. Zero.
- I have hope. Honestly, hope is what keeps me going. For years in my past career, I had hope that I would be free from the constraints of my cubicle. I knew it would come because I wouldn’t not let it. Of course it took me 11 years to get out, but I did it. I wake up with hope each day and know that my life is what I make of it. Without hope, we cannot see the future in a positive light.
- I have high expectations. After years of being beaten down, living with bad relationships, and settling for sub par jobs, it’s easy to have low or no expectations of people and/or ourselves. When we expect nothing, we get nothing. I expect great things to happen and I work on making them happen every day. Expectations come from our experiences and if they are negative ones, we will learn to expect just that.
- I believe in people. Spending much of your life with and around bad people will destroy your faith in humanity. We come to view people as inherently bad, dishonest and unjust. How can we expect to grown as a person and be happy when the number one factor in our happiness is our relationships with other people? I realize that the key to success will come from a direct result of my personal and business relationships.
Over the past 10 years, I have constantly told myself that once I get my life in order, I’ll start making time for others, be more thankful, and begin helping people on a grander scale.
Does this sound familiar?
There’s only one issue; that day will never come. Unless we make it come.
As we start working on our own personal growth, and especially if you’re a personal growth junkie like me, we will never be content with where we are. There will always be another step to take and another thing to learn.
And I’m all for continual growth and actually think it’s essential for those who truly want more out of life.
What I’m talking about is taking a look at the lives of others from their point of view, taking stock of what we already possess, and realizing that our lives are much better than we actually thought.

Steve Rice
This is really insightful Steve. A few months ago, as we came to the end of the year, I sat on a Google Hangout with some associates and we talked about what we wished for the coming year.
I realized in that moment that I’m happy. I never expected to be or even thought I would be…but here I am. Happy.
Life’s not perfect–whatever that means–but I’m content. More importantly, I’m grateful. (Perhaps that’s where contentment comes from)
Appreciate you sharing the lessons you’re learning. You’re an inspiration.
Steve
Thank you Steve. Contentment in the sense of being grateful for what we have and being at peace with ourselves is something to strive for. I don’t know too many people that can tell me honestly that they are truly happy. I’m glad to hear that you are!
Warren
I suppose one could (now) label me a personal growth junkie, but until recently I had a hard time seeing myself as wealthy. (I had preconceived ideas about wealthy and I didn’t meet them).
Ironically lately I’ve realized just how much I have, and rather than that slowing down my progress It actually seems to have sped it up.
I still have ideas about what I think success will look like for me, but I’ve changed a few definitions. I no longer feel like I need a huge house with a Ferrari parked outside. Instead I think once my online businesses are making more each month (without me) than my family spends I’ll feel pretty rich. 🙂
Steve
I feel the same way, Warren. I don’t need (or really even want) a big house and all the toys. Living comfortably doing what I love is enough for me. Being wealthy has nothing to do with money and everything to do with how we get to spend our time…
Evan
When our growth is in line with our life, to some extent we can relax and let it emergy. There can even be a relaxed quality to the great expenditure of energy that can emerge.
Like you, I have lived a very priveleged life; and I do try to maintain awareness of how difficult others’ lives are.
Steve
Evan,
You strike me as the type of man who does put himself into others shoes and can appreciate life for what it is.
Leonard @ The Wallet Doctor
This is a great list. It can be so hard to keep perspective when we’ve got a ton of different stuff going on. It can affect our physical, as well as financial goals. Keeping in mind how far we’ve come and how much awesomeness we have today is an essential skill. Thanks for sharing!
Steve
Thanks Leonard. Getting caught up in the grind of life will certainly mess with our perspective. Before we know it, 15 years have passed and we still have the same thought processes and habits.
Adrienne
Hey Steve,
I’m helping a friend of mine who is going for her certification as a life coach so I’m her test client. We were going through a list of questions last week and she’s never understood why I don’t want things. Like if I had a million dollars tomorrow and guaranteed every year for the rest of my life why I wouldn’t go buy a huge new home.
Until you’ve been around death and sickness a LOT, you just won’t get it. I’m grateful to be healthy and given a chance to have another day on this earth.
Sure, we all want better things in our lives but until you can appreciate and be grateful for what you have you’ll never be happy with more. You probably have realized that by now I’m afraid so just have the attitude of gratitude that you’re so much darn better off then most people and you’ll be a much better person for it. 😉
Great lesson Steve.
~Adrienne
Steve
Test client, Huh? Sounds interesting! How is it going so far? I’m the same way with money. If I had the funds, I wouldn’t go buy the best of everything, but I would make sure that I and my girls would have some remarkable experiences! Thanks for coming back to comment, it’s always great to see your smile 🙂
Adrienne
Yeah, test client. Kind of cool because I get coaching sessions with a soon to be life coach for free. It’s actually going really well because all of us have some type of issues at different times in our lives so she came along at the right time for me. Yay!!!
I hear you Steve and although I don’t have children of my own I do have nieces, nephews and a step-son and I would hope I could make their lives better. That means more to me than anything else.
Thanks Steve, I’m so glad you’re back!
~Adrienne
Ashley Faulkes
Hi Steve
I actually discovered your blog while doing some research for a post for Adrienne Smith. Seems you interviewed her in the past. Back to the post.
What a great lesson. Some people sure have it tough, and sometimes we just have to be grateful. I have come to learn that over the last years too. Sure I want more in life, don’t we all. But i am not unhappy with what I have. I guess having badly broken my leg last year (as Adrienne mentions sickness wakes you up) I came to realise what was important.
Thanks for the post
ashley
Steve
Hi Ashley. I did interview her a while back and she had some interesting things to say. Just love her enthusiasm and her ability to connect with people. We always hear about the person who finds out they are terminally ill who then recognizes what is truly important.
Glad you were able to do the same!
Sebastian Aiden DAniels
I understand all five of those reasons to be grateful. I think it is so important to count your blessings. I also have had a charmed life compared to many people. I understand what it is like when life is difficult. When I was in my most pessimist state though I never talked with people about it. I just put on a fake smile and then isolated myself. I hope that lady got the help she needs to improve her life. Constant negativity is tough to be around and can drive people away : /. Carpe Diem!
P.S. What is the plugin you use for if a new comment is posted ?
Steve
Sebastian,
This is something that I need to work on every day. I tend to take things for granted and have high expectations for a lot of things. Like you, I have it a lot better than many people and need to remind myself of this.
My client is working on herself and she is still struggling. I keep in touch with her frequently though.
As far as the plug in, the only one I use for comments is CommentLuv.