The Overwhelming Fear Of Flying And Dying
Jul
I hate flying!
There are few things more terrifying to me than the thought of being the victim of a plane crash. Every time I’m on a flight, I always think of the opening scene in “Final Destination” and it freaks me out.
Now, I’ve flown dozens of times (mostly as a kid), but over the last 10 years or so, I have developed an incredible (and irrational) fear of flying.
When I wrote this post a few weeks ago, I was actually on a flight from Boston to Washington DC and as we left the runway and started our ascent, my thoughts immediately shifted to the possibility of a crash.
I know all the statistics in the world tell us that the likelihood of dying in a plane crash is astronomically small, but regardless, I’m scared shitless.
The Nightmare
As I sit nervously on the runway, sweat building underneath my arms, I think only of getting off the plane. The sounds of people shuffling papers, fidgeting with the overhead fans, and idle chatter fill the air.
The stench of stale, musty air fills my nostrils as I close my eyes and wish for the flight to go smoothly and quickly. I say a few short prayers and close my eyes tightly.
As the plane begins to ferry through the runway lanes and prepares for takeoff, I realize that there is no turning back.
As we lift off, I become embarrassingly aware of the large sweat stains on my shirt. My life is in someone else’s hands completely.
scared.to.death
As we begin climbing to 30,000 feet, I can feel the air currents working against the plane and I experience my least favorite part of flight-turbulence.
As the plane begins to rise and drop through air pockets, it feels like I’m on a broken roller coaster. My only thought is “this plane can’t crash, I have too much to live for“. Of course, I have zero control over the plane, the pilots, or the weather. I am at the total mercy of all these things.
There is no worse feeling than being completely helpless in a possibly life threatening situation. You may be laughing at the fact that I refer to flying as “life threatening”, but IT IS!
What’s Your Biggest Fear?
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. ~Mark Twain
The underlying reason for my fear of flying is being powerless against the possibility of prematurely dying. At almost now 40 years old, I feel like I still have so much to experience, so much to give, and so much to learn that I can’t die. I CAN’T!
I haven’t even begun to really live my life and I’m petrified that I will die with a big ol’ empty hole in my soul
The thought of my daughters being without their daddy breaks my heart. The thought of my wife getting a call from the TSA telling her about a fatal plane crash horrifies me. The thought of missing out on all the years I have left on this Earth brings me nearly to tears.
Control Your Fears or They WILL Control You!
Fear can be paralyzing, I know. Maybe your fear is deep rooted from an event from your past or maybe it’s completely irrational. Doesn’t matter.
That fear can and will control us until we take control of it.
We need to ask ourselves a very important question; why am I so afraid of this?
In The 4-Hour Workweek, there’s a story of a man who was petrified to fly because he felt like if the plane crashed, he would die with the best still inside of him. I feel the exact same way. Do you have these thoughts as well?
How would you feel if today was your last day on Earth? Have you lived how you’ve wanted? Have you found your happiness? Have you made an impact on others lives? Have you spent enough quality time with loved ones?
The answer for most of us a resounding NO. No, no, no, no,no…
Why You Need To Get Off Your Ass Right Now
Is your fear keeping you from taking action on creating the life you want? What are you going to do about it? If you don’t overcome it, it will rule your life and keep you from living the life you truly deserve.
What will it take to overcome it? It will take a commitment like none other. For many of us, it will be the hardest thing we will ever do.
For others, it will prove to be too difficult and you will spend your life wishing could have and be more. FAIL.
So, how does one overcome the fear of death, or the fear of not having enough, or the fear of missing out, or the millions of other bullshit fears? It starts with living.
Not just living a life of averageness, but the life you must have.
I don’t think that there are many people who are ready to die, but when your number is up, how will you handle it?
If your doctor gave you 12 hours to live, would you spend your time quietly reflecting on your life? Would you be content and at peace? Or would you be like me and be uncontrollably upset that you had wasted the majority of your life doing things you didn’t enjoy?
Does that scare you? If not, you’re dead inside. If you’re dead inside, you NEED to take action right this second on recreating your future.
Your time WILL come and come quickly. Do not, I repeat, do not spend any more of your precious life pissing it away doing things that bring unhappiness, anger, hate, fear, indifference, and greed into your life.
If that means quitting your job, then so be it. Does that mean quit your job tomorrow without proper planning? No, that would be foolish.
Your #1 goal should be planning your escape from whatever situation(s) are negatively affecting your life and lifestyle. You cannot afford to wait on this. One month will turn into one year which will turn into five years which becomes a 40 year career working a job you couldn’t stand.
That’s 90,000 hours of your life sucked down into a black hole of nothingness. Think about this number the next time you think about “just sticking it out for another 6 months”. That could be your death sentence…
What are you afraid of? What’s really holding you back?
TrafficColeman
My wife is taken here first flight in about a month, and she is terrified of plans.
“Black Seo Guy “Signing Off”
Mrs Robinson
What a brilliant article- you’ve hit the nail on the head. I too am a Certified Financial Planner working for a Bank in the UK and I too absolutely HATE LOATHE my job, I too am trapped by the high salary and too immersed in debt, mortgage abd childcare costs to quit!!
But it’s always good to have a plan and you’ve given me MOTIVATION!! I’ve worked out I can take the plunge and move into a lower paid but hopefully more forfilling job in 3 years. Only 1095days to go!
Steve
Thanks so much! Inspiring you to take action is why I do this, so it makes me so happy to hear that you’re planning your escape!
Please keep me posted on your progress..
Barry
Having logged over 30,000 air miles in the last year alone I can understand your issues. I didn’t like flying when I first started this job and being a single parent without a spouse at home made the specter of crashing and burning even worse.
As you know, I made the decision to leave this gig and spend time at home building my own ventures. My target date was 6/30/2011 and I’m still here.
The most important issue as I see it for anyone contemplating leaving their day job is to begin the process by doing what you’ve done here: building the foundation for what will grow into a full-time venture doing what rocks the house for you as individuals.
So, for anyone reading this comment who is just thinking about leaving the day-gig, begin now!
Steve
Hey Barry,
Amen, brother! Just get started TODAY. The reality for most of us is that it’s going to take an incredible amount of work to dig our way out of our jobs, but it can be done. For your health, family, and sanity, it must be done.
Hector Avellaneda
Steve
I just recently overcame my fear of flying! I was just like you. IN fact, just last year (precisely at this time) I was on a flight coming back from Vegas and somewhere over the Grand Canyon we went straight through a thunderstorm. Talk about hellish-scary.. I could not see anything outside, it was dark, it was raining, the lights in the cabin had been dimmed and the flight attendants had to be told (not kidding) on 3 different occasions by the pilots to sit down because we were going to encounter pretty severe turbulence.
The plane was rocking from side to side and at one point (again, no kidding) we must have dropped about 100 feet because I can swear to you my stomach was up in my throat.
We endured that for about 1.5 hours from Vegas back to Houston and when we landed, I kid you not bottoms of my armspits were soaked! That was by far the scariest flight I have ever been on.
Recently however, I was invited by one of my co-workers who owned his own acrobatic plane which he built himself by the way to go for a flight and do some stunts and maneuvers in the air. I was abou to pass up on the opportunity but I said “let’s do it”. If I would have said no, I would have felt like I had coward out of a challenge.
Anyway, we literally pulled about 2 and close to 3 g’s on his plane doing different stunts in the air, dude. I even got to fly the plane for about 20 minutes and swing arounds clouds! It was AWESOME! Talk about going from 0 to 60 on the fear level for flying.
I have to say however, that was also a very bumpy ride and being that it was a small plane, air currents were literally tossing us all over the place right before we reached about 10K ft and surprisingly enough I WAS NEVER SCARED.
Here is what I attributed it to. In a commercial plane, you have a small little window to look out of. You really cannot see in front of you, to the back of you, only to the side of you and you have limited vision. You have absolutely no control and an obstructed view during your flight.
In my co-worker s plane, we had a glass hatch, that went all around us over our heads, similar to fighter jets and I had a view of everything around me. The plane was a 2 seater and the seats were positioned one right in front of the other. The fact that I also had somewhat of a way to steer the plane in the back gave me some control and that made it ok. At the point the only thing that could kills us was the engine just completely dying (small planes dont have redundancy).
Anyway, I overcame my fear of flying that way and now Im good.
The point I was trying to make is that for people like you and myself (we like control) flying is scary because we have absolutely no control over anything that happens. Trust me. take flying lessons and I guarantee that fear you have will completely go away.
I took one flying lesson where I actually steered a plane and performed sharp maneuvers, at one point making a sharp turn that brought the plan to a 90 degree angle and now Im cured cured!!!
Rachel Lavern
I was laughing while reading your story because it reminds me of the many stories my pastor tells related to his fear of flying.
The worst thing about fear is that it isn’t real. It is only a creation of the mind. In the moment, we tend to forget that. The truth is that anything we fear is a projection into the future. It never really exists in our lives, so we end up wasting countless hours and precious energy focusing on something that never comes to pass. We’ve probably all heard the acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. I choose to create my own reality.
Also, if we choose to focus on fear, we are drawing more fear into our lives. What we put out into the Universe comes back to us magnified–what we focus on expands.
Rachel Lavern
Personal Transformation, Enlightenment and Development Coach
“Live without limits because nothing is impossible to you.”
Steve
Rachel,
I agree that fear is all in our heads, but if we lack the skills to develop the ability to overcome that, it doesn’t help. I have no idea how not to be scared to fly. Maybe if I felt like I had achieved many things in my life or experienced much of what I want, it would be different.
Jack
I know where you’re coming from!
I was once very much afraid of living in other country besides the states.
However I wanted to practise Krav Maga from it’s roots. The only option was to go live in israel a couple of months.
However the fear of culture shock and leaving my friends and family behind was almost too much for me.
I decided that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. So I went to Israel and lived there for 7 months. The best decision ever! I expanded my horizon so much that I know enjoy living in different countries for a few months until heading back to the states again.
Jens P. Berget
Hi Steve,
I have an overwhelming fear of flying as well. I believe that the fear is related to two things. I can’t control the situation, I just have to sit and wait for whatever happens. And, I don’t understand how flying is even possible (according to me, it shouldn’t be possible). I also know about the statistics, and that I have a higher chance of getting killed walking home from work. But, then I feel that I’m in control of my own destiny.
Even though I have this overwhelming fear of flying, I keep flying several times every year. I am going on a trip to Italy (and Rome) in less than 5 weeks. And, I’m already thinking about the flying. But, the fear won’t stop me from doing it.
So, what you’re saying can relate to a lot of different situations. I don’t fear much, but I never just sit and wait for my destiny to happen. I learn, and I act.
Jens
Steve
Jens,
I’m the same way. If I feel like I have no control over the situation (and my life is at stake), I have a huge problem with that. I still fly but I think it’s still the fact that I have too much left to do. I can’t imagine not being able to do great things and watching my kids grow up. And it’s all up to the pilot and the weather as to whether we live or die….
Torre – Fearful Adventurer
Since I began blogging about my fear, and openly declaring myself as afraid of … well … everything, I’ve found that I’m somehow less afraid of stuff. Maybe it’s like looking under the bed and discovering there’s no boogieman there after all. What I’ve realized from blogging about this and all the comments I receive is that everyone is scared of different things. Everyone. There’s nothing wrong with fear, and often it’s uncontrollable and sometimes very reasonable. But everything is wrong with being a coward. You can have fears, as long as you don’t let them determine your actions.
Ruth - The Freelance Writing Blog
OMG! OMG! This is so validating! I’m so glad you linked to this post.
I am a HORRIBLY phobic flyer. I’m not really scared of much else in my life….just flying.
Every time the plane lands safely, I feel that I owe the pilot my life. He has heroically spared me from an untimely death.
I kick the plane 3 times with my right foot as I board; I HAVE to order and drink a tomato juice (blech!); I say a special prayer as the plane is taking off; and typically to the chagrin of the person next to me, I almost always squeeze their arm in sheer terror.
I find it helps to preemptively alert the flight attendant that I am fearing for my life (I watch them for any indication of anxiety or concern over the course of my flight), I never look out the window, I count the number of aisles from the nearest emergency exit, and I WILL NOT take any sedative medication (including alcohol) since I need to have my wits about me when the plane crashes (I actually know someone who survived a crash…).
So, there you have my tips and strategies for managing my fear. Needless to say, I don’t think it’s ever going to go away. However – it hasn’t (yet) held me back from flying. I keep doing it.
Steve
This is hilarious Ruth!
I hate flying SO much. It’s the complete lack of control. We are at the mercy of the pilot and nature. This last flight really shook me up though. The air was so choppy and I was watching all these people just sitting so calmly and even sleeping. Meanwhile, I’m shaking uncontrollably in a pol of sweat.
I just might have to try some of your tricks the next time I fly. Are you superstitious in other areas of your life also?
Ruth - The Freelance Writing Blog
I don’t understand people who ENJOY flying. The slightest bit of turbulence throws me into a ridiculous state of anxiety. I’m not especially superstitious or dramatic in the regular course of my life (the whole equanimity thing, right?). But something about flying….
It definitely has to do with relinquishing control. But I think it’s more than that. I have these images in my head of a fiery crash and plummeting to the ground (the opening scene from LOST put me over the edge)…it just seems like such an unpleasant way to die. Dunno…
Dan
Hi Steve,
I was wondering how you overcame your fear of flying. Mine has gotten crippling to the point where its all I think about. I know I can’t predict the future, but I wish I had some reassurance that I won’t die in a travel-related accident/incident…ESPECIALLY by plane. What’s worse is most therapists just shrug me off, saying they can’t help me. Its horrible how I feel. I feel there’s no hope for me.
Steve
Hey Dan,
I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with such anxiety. I still have a fear of flying and can control it pretty well. It’s really just the turbulence that gets to me and I find myself sweating like a pig at the slightest vibrations.
I have no travel fears otherwise and I think it’s just because I have some sense of control over my car. With a plane, we are are the mercy of the pilot, which really freaks me out.
What exactly are you afraid of?
Sarah Frank
Hi Steve, thank you for the article. I am fling in 8 days and I am still considering staying home. My daughter is graduating HS in Anchorage, Alaska. Anyhow, I have flown a lot. My father was a pilot when I was a child, my mother worked for the airlines. We always flew for free, so we did a lot of it. However, with the recent crashes over the last few years, my fear has greatly increased. It is nearly debilitating. It’s ok as long as my feet are on the ground. In fact I told my daughter when she left for Alaska last August, that there was a great chance I would not be attending her graduation. That if she chose to go, she risked me not being there to see it. My father flew bush planes in Alaska in the early 80s. I flew with him all the time. He died March 13, 1986 in a sesna, copiloting from Detroit to Marquette, MI. Now, justifiably so, I have been terrified ever since. I have flown since, lots, sometimes by myself, most times not. But lately, maybe because of my age, it’s so much more terrifying. I am 40 now. Last time I flew was 2013. I now know what time I wasted on mistakes in my younger years. I’m a great mom now. Was pretty selfish as a young mother. Could have done much, much better by the older kids. But I’ve got it now, I’m better. The three youngest have had a good mom, they love me and they are happy. I’ve done what I can to make up for bad times to the older ones too. They love me too and I do my best to be the person they deserved when they were little. And I guess I’m afraid. Afraid the littles will have their lives ruined like mine was with my fathers death. The older ones would be sad, but at 22, 20, and 18, they are grown now. Not so needy of me physically. But the 15, 12, 9, and 8 year olds, they depend on me fully. Especially the three youngest. I am their morning, afternoon, and night. Dad makes the money, mom takes care of everything else. I have wasted so much time in the past. And now that I am a better person, I feel as though it will be snatched from me and them. The world is pretty wicked, and it likes to chew people up and spit them out. I think it’s the devil, personally, but some don’t believe in that. If there is a devil, I know he wants me dead. I feel like a crazy person. Everyone is like, oh, you will be fine. Well I know that they can’t be sure of that. How do they know? I see myself forcing myself to get on that plane, and then when my feet are 30,000 off the ground we plumit. And while we are nose diving to our death I think of how I knew this would happen. How I could have prevented it had I just listened to my gut. And then I think of my poor children. Living forever without me. It’s a real life wrecker to lose a parent as a child.
Afrikan Eagle
I thank everyone who has commented before me. Many of you were just picking words from my own mouth and experiences. I have flown across the world since January 2001. I got hooked to anticipating the meals, videos and more awaiting me each time until 2015 when I started my return to my homeland in a developing country in Africa.
Knowing the penchant of my people to circumvent rules and procedures, I now become pale, numb and sleepless on every domestic flight, thinking of all that can go wrong.
I know I will die some day but I certainly don’t want to die in a plane crash.
I want to be there for my family. I want to live a life of happiness after my working career is over. I want to be there for my children as they attain heights which my father could not wait to see me do. I loathe flying now and wish every now and then that an event requiring air travel would be cancelled! !
Perhaps I will get over this morbid fear some say!!
Steve
Wow, sounds a lot like my fears! I wrote this post a few years ago and still face the same issues. I have a flight coming up in a few months and am really not looking forward to it..Good luck with yours…
Vanessa letscher
Hello, i have a plane to catch next week its the first time i go by myself , i am really afraid but the weird hing is i had 2 dreams recently of planes crashing i was never in it, i was just watching and in one of the dreams i lost a couple of my tooths (in my country that means something bad will happen more like a death) i am so afraid, i think im gonna die before i get to the airport of a heart attack just because of my fear thats how bad it is
Denieca
I am so glad you wrote this. It captures entirely my own fears. I am under 30 and I hate flying even on the flight I do most often from Miami to Kingston – I am scared.I hate take off most of all because it is so final, there is no turning back. UGH but I am glad I am not the only one with these fears.
Steve
Definitely not, Denieca. I recently flew from Baltimore to New Hampshire and it was only an hour flight but the pilot cancelled the drink and snack service because of weather. I wasn’t happy….