The Grind Within Us All
Apr

This is a guest post from Greg at lilmanIT.com
“Once you’ve done the mental work, there comes a point when you have to throw yourself into action and put your heart on the line.” – Phil Jackson What you have to understand is that all grinders are fighting a war of 2 fronts:
- The Daily Grind: This is the grind you think you’re trying to escape. The one you see everyday. This is the alarm going off every morning, getting up, going somewhere you don’t want to be, and figuring out ways to stop this pattern.
- The Existential Grind: This grind is the real beast and the hardest to beat. It is the grind that is comprised of who you are and who you want to be. The internal manifestation of you.
The Battle Begins
I started battling my Existential Grind on December 15th, 2009 at 3:06pm. But in order for you to understand how I remember that, let’s rewind a bit. 2009 started out as a great year. I experienced the greatest day of my life thus far when my wife and I exchanged our vows on February 16th.
While on our beautiful honeymoon in Aruba we discussed the future and how we planned on achieving our goals of children, a home, and careers. A week after returning from our tropical escape, my wife was laid off. While this put somewhat of a dent in the plans we discussed, I was still working a full-time job, so it wasn’t the end of the world. I simply told her we just have to be more creative in achieving what we want.
At the time I was working for a small IT consulting company, a job that I really liked. But it slowly began to deteriorate with nail after nail being hammered into the coffin. We let go of one guy, then another. We lost clients and then the owner decided it would be easier to just close the office and work from home. Soon after that he fired my manager, leaving me as the last man standing. My new reality was far from what I envisioned it was going to be, so I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time. I looked for another job.
This Can’t Be It
December 15th, 2009 was a month and a half after starting my new job. And it was on that day that I sat in my office looked around and asked myself, is this it? Is this what I have to look forward to for the next 40 years? I couldn’t comprehend being there for 5 years never mind 40 of them. I could no longer see myself climbing the ladder or having anything else to prove in the corporate world. It was at that moment that other thoughts and ideas began to surface. For a long time I had thought about starting a business, but always stopped myself with the typical excuses:
- You don’t know enough
- You need more experience
- What do you know about business
- You can’t do it
I was 27 years old but I felt like I was 17 again and asking myself, what do I want to do with my life? So it was at that moment that I opened Gmail and wrote an e-mail to myself. I reminded myself of all that I had accomplished thus far and all that I was capable of. I told myself what my next adventure was going to be. It was that day that I took on the challenge of battling my Existential Grind in order to find another way.
Peter Gibbons Had It Easy
Like Steve, I LOVE OFFICE SPACE!!! For anyone who has worked in corporate America it is a must see because we have all at one point worked for Initech. The main character, Peter Gibbons, hated his job, he hated the grind. But he never got the opportunity to actually battle his Existential Grind. He had it easy.
Unfortunately we don’t all have the luxury of being half-ass hypnotized like Peter Gibbons. The problem isn’t that we need to be hypnotized in order to beat our Existential Grind, we need to be un-hypnotized in order to free ourselves. We have to start looking beyond the template that we’ve been taught and have been living up to this point and realize our uniqueness and the value we actually are capable of bringing to others.
And ultimately we must come to the realization that we are our own salvation. It was 2010 that I began cultivating the skills necessary to embark on an entrepreneurial venture. I was like Johnny 5 in Short Circuit (Please tell me you’ve seen that one). I needed input and I absorbed every blog and book I could to help me on my new path, my new mission, my new adventure. But there comes a point when you have to put down the books.
Unfortunately, working in IT I tend to be too logical and I approach everything from a rational point of view. But for this next phase I have to learn how to trust my intuition and lead with passion.
Looking Down From the Top
February 16th, 2011 was my 2 year wedding anniversary. My wife and I went to Las Vegas for the first time. While there, we went to the top of the Stratosphere hotel where they have the Sky Jump Ride. Essentially you get to jump off the side of the building (108 stories) and land safely as your harness slows you down the closer you get to the ground.
It was really interesting being up there and watching people stand on the ledge, ready to jump. It is at that moment where your Existential Grind is working in overdrive. Fear leads to perceived rational thinking, excuses, and doubts. Right now it feels like I’m standing at the top of that ledge, looking down, ready to jump.
And even though I’ve tried to prepare myself for the moment both mentally and financially, the grind within me keeps fighting back. Because it’s not just quitting a job, it’s destroying a part of yourself that you worked so hard to be. The person who I want to be is fighting to the death with the person who I’ve been. One of them has to win and be victorious, the only question is which one.
Greg Miller runs Lil Man IT Consulting LLC in NJ and helps very small businesses leverage emerging technologies to compete with the big guys. He’s been working in IT for over 7 years and is now on a journey to become self-employed and end his grind of the 9 to 5. Keep up with the Lil Man on Twitter @lilmanIT and like him on Facebook.

Joe B.
Wow. Nothing like coming into work on a Monday morning, and being greeted by a powerful guest post like that, to make a guy reevaluate everything he’s doing with his life. Although I definitely feel like my day job is slowly sucking the lifeblood out of my body, I’ve tried to ignore it. After all, how many people actually *like* their job?
You have perfectly crystalized the sensation I’ve been feeling for so long: of swimming upstream against a current of futile nothingness, of being weighed down by the very things we as a society have been taught to value: a career with family medical benefits. Job satisfaction? That doesn’t matter.
You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
-j.
Greg
Hey Joe,
Thanks for the comment. I think we all need to do re-evaluation in every aspect of our lives, whether it’s our job, relationships, or just how we live day to day. While I do agree the majority of people don’t like their job, you have to question why that is. People say that work is suppose to be work. And while I don’t believe you’ll love every aspect of what you do, it shouldn’t make you feel horrible to have to go and do it everyday. You have to re-evaluate what makes you happy and start implementing changes to help you move on.
Harriet`
Ah I’m very familiar with the extistential grind! Moving to university two years ago was a huge upheaval for me and I felt like I didn’t know who I was for the first year. Thankfully I got out of that bad place and am now much happier so for now the existential grind is over for me!
Greg
Good to see that you beat that aspect of the grind Harriet. Thanks for commenting.
Adrienne
Great post Greg and I feel your pain. When we wake up and realize this isn’t where we want to be for the rest of our lives. Life is suppose to be joyous, fun, a pleasant ride and when you have to spend every single day at a place you don’t enjoy any longer, it starts dragging you down.
Congratulations on the beginning of your self employment status. I have no doubt you’ll reach your goal and probably much sooner than you envisioned. The best of luck to you.
Adrienne
Greg
Hi Adrienne,
I agree. It’s especially hard when you know that the place you’re at just isn’t who you are anymore or where you want to be for the long term. Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Hey Greg,
Thanks for the inspiring guest post. I love how you talk about the existential grind because I think most people focus solely on the daily grind. Many of us know that sitting in our cubicles is not our life’s purpose. What we do about that is what counts. How many will do something about it??