Knowing When to Give Up On Your Big Dream
Aug

This is a guest submission by Adrienne from ExperienceLifeFully.com
Sometimes it’s okay to give up on your BIG dream. Sometimes it’s not.
How do you know the difference?
I distinctly remember the day I latched onto my BIG dream. I remember it just as vividly as the day I gave it up.
The Coolest Thing I Could Think Of
It was a September afternoon early in my sophomore year of high school. I had just returned home from a day of fretting over what I was going to do with my life.
The pressure was piling on as teachers and guidance school counselors were eager to help us get started on the right foot for college and our upcoming careers.
I’m certain they had the best of intentions.
After all, that’s what people do right? They go to school, often followed by more school, and then dutifully take their places among the working world for the next 40 years or so.
As a girl with a wide variety of interests and talents, I had no clue where my place in the working world should be. I spent days mulling over questions like:
- What’s a respectable career?
- What makes good money?
- What would make my mom proud?
- What would make me a somebody?
It’s a shame no one was there to ask:
“Hey, have you thought about what you’re naturally good at? Or what you are passionate about? Or what you find truly meaningful?
Let’s take a look at your personality and talents and see what types of career choices might make the most sense for you.”
Instead, my mom asked me, “What’s the coolest thing you can think of?”
“Floating in space!” I blurted without hesitation. “Looking back on the earth from the space station. Being the first person to step foot on Mars!”
It’s true. I’m a space geek at heart. There is just something so sexy and alluring about mysterious far-off galaxies, dark matter, black holes, and supernovas…
Anyway, ever the source of encouragement and support in my life, my mom replied, “Well you could do that!”
And right then and there, the seed of my dream was planted. Just like that, my every thought became hell-bent on becoming an astronaut.
Once again, where was someone to interject with, “Yes, you could, but does that mean you should?
Alas, there was no such voice, and off I marched towards “the coolest thing I could think of.”
Checking Boxes
Naturally, if I was going to become an astronaut, I would need some sort of science or engineering degree, so I decided on Physics and Astronomy.
Furthermore, if I was going to go to school, someone was going to have to pay for it, because it certainly wasn’t going to be my parents. Since they are both retired from the Air Force, an Air Force scholarship became the obvious choice for me.
After a visit with the school guidance counselor, I knew what I needed to do to make that scholarship mine. So for my remaining years of high school, I threw myself into checking every box possible.
-Sports. Check.
-Student office. Check.
-Community service. Check.
-Summer programs. Check.
-Nerdy clubs and competitions. Check.
Let’s just say, I earned the shit out of that scholarship. I went on join Air Force R.O.T.C., where I continued my streak of getting involved, checking boxes, and trying to rise to the top of this house of cards I was unknowingly building.
Toppling the House of Cards
Surprisingly, the turning point of my BIG dream came packaged as one of the best opportunities of my life.
My junior year of college, I landed a 60-day internship at NASA’s Johnson Space Center working on a program that I had once seen on the Discovery Channel – the Variable Specific-Impulse Magnetoplasma Rocket (VASIMR).
As if that wasn’t cool enough, I arrived at NASA during a very exciting time – the preparation for STS-114, the first shuttle to “Return to Flight” two years after the Colombia tragedy.
Oh it gets better.
The VASIMR lab just so happened to be in same building as the Neutral Buoyancy Lab, where the astronauts train for spacewalks in a giant pool. Sooo, I had the opportunity to spend a good amount of time with the STS-114 crew, including my all-time hero, Eileen Collins, the shuttle commander. (Let’s just say I was more than a bit starstruck.)
So it turns out there is a lot more to being an astronaut than I previously thought.
These guys and gals are dedicated. They spend long days of training for several years before ever stepping foot in space, and some never even make it! Furthermore, this means a lot of time spent away from their families, friends, and many other dreams.
Don’t get me wrong, what astronauts do is amazing, and I have the utmost respect for them. But that summer, I realized becoming an astronaut wasn’t for me. It’s difficult to fully explain, but it’s something I could feel down to my very core.
Sure, floating in space is one of the coolest things I can think of, but it’s not the thing that I want to dedicate the greater part of my life to.
So what happens when you suddenly realize you’ve been chasing an empty dream? Everything you’ve been working towards was for nothing?
The Boulevard of Broken Dreams
For starters, it wasn’t for nothing. I experienced so many amazing things, met so many incredible people, and learned so many valuable lessons on the road to NASA.
There is a lot of value placed on depth in a career, but I say breadth is just as valuable, if not more so.
Besides, I had already made a commitment to the Air Force. They paid for my degree and they were going to get their pound of flesh out of me.
Despite the fact that I was no longer chasing my big dream, I think going into the Air Force was one of the best decisions I ever made. Not only was it a steady paycheck with great benefits, but it brought some amazing opportunities my way.
There were parts of my job that I truly loved. Early on, I was given a lot of free reign to let my creativity soar. I was mentored by many wonderful people, I traveled a ton, and I was constantly learning and interacting with people.
But as leadership changed and budget cuts came down the line, the nature of my job began to dramatically shift.
Enter the grind.
There were days where I would sit there behind my computer and feel as though my soul were being sucked out of me. Minutes ticked by like hours as I wrote and answered email after email, created Powerpoint charts, and input data into Excel files.
There were days when I would go hours without knowing what the weather was like outside. Days when I would barely have a conversation with another person.
What I was doing was no longer taking me towards some glorious dream. It wasn’t really taking me anywhere except towards a game I didn’t want to play.
Chasing A New Dream
As the days ticked by, so many new dreams danced through my imagination.
I could see myself sipping french-pressed coffee on my deck…backpacking through far-away mountains…creating challenging and meaningful experiences for others…learning and sharing through my writing…being my own boss and setting my own schedule.
I finally came to the realization, I can’t live behind a desk. I need to be around people, I need to be outside, and I need free reign to create something meaningful.
Despite so many family and friends who thought I was crazy and making a terrible mistake…
I left the Air Force.
I left my comfortable paycheck and awesome benefits to keep chasing my dreams.
During my going-away lunch gathering, my supervisor stood and said some wonderful things about me and my contributions to our team.
And then she broke out the sparkling red wine. Three bottles of my favorite sparkling red wine.
One for my first day of freedom,
One for my separation party, and
One for the first day I don’t receive my Air Force paycheck.
After a round of laughs, she asked the crowd, “Seriously, how many of you would be willing to give up your big paycheck and this kind of security to chase a dream?”
Dreaming of Living the Dream?
And so I ask you, what are you willing to give up to chase your dream? Not the coolest thing you can think of, but something that truly matters to you.
Something that makes your heart beat a little bit faster just to imagine. Something that that leads to more good days than bad ones. Something that will inspire and motivate others around you because you are so passionate about it.
It’s the thing that you will look back on as an old man or woman swinging on your front porch and say, “That. was. awesome! It was so worth it.”
Is what you are doing right now bringing you closer to your glorious dream?
Or are you living in the shadow of an empty dream?
Sometimes it’s okay to give up on your dreams.
Sometimes it’s not.
You decide.
Adrienne Jurado is a Myers-Briggs Type Indicator facilitator and coach, a writer, a creator of powerful experiences, and a wisdom-seeker on a journey to live an extraordinary life and make a valuable contribution to the world.
Her physics and psychology background, combined with her military experience and love for the great outdoors, brings a unique perspective to the insights she shares at experiencelifefully.com.
Connect with Adrienne on Twitter @adriennejurado or Facebook .

Jen Gresham
Love it, Adrienne! This really brings home the point of doing research before you start checking off the boxes needed for a career. The NASA internship was not only cool, but life-saving.
Good for you for having the guts to do it, and share your story. Looking forward to hearing how your future unfolds! 🙂
Adrienne Jurado
Thanks, Jen! (And thanks, Steve, for having me as a guest!)
It’s difficult to say I regret any of it, because I wouldn’t be where I am today without having gone through exactly what I went through…and I couldn’t be happier with where I am now.
Or could I? 😉
At any rate, I would like to find some way to improve this process for teenagers today — to help them get more in-tune with themselves before making some of the biggest decisions of their lives…
Harriet Cabelly
Love this guest post. As Marcus Sheridan says, ‘great conversational tone’.
But I want to pick up on something you wrote in your comment above -that you’d like to find ways to improve this process for teens today, ‘to help them get more in-tune with themselves’ before making these big decisions. You really hit on something so crucial. There are so many young lost souls today who simply have no direction, don’t know what they want to pursue, don’t even know what they’re interested in. Sad but oh so true. Like you wrote, nobody seems to ask those soul-searching questions like- what matters to you, what excites you, what do you deeply care about, etc.
Thank you for a great piece.
Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion
Adrienne, what a dang pleasure it was to read this. A couple of side items:
1. Nice smile in your avatar. 🙂
2. You write very, very well. Great conversation tone. Way cool.
As for the article, I love your story. You’ve got guts, and you’re putting your money where your mouth is. I love that.
Well done new friend,
Marcus
Adrienne Jurado
Hi Marcus,
Well it was a dang pleasure to get your comment. 😉
Were you at Blog World New York by chance? You look very familiar — no, not your Avatar — I was just visiting your site. I think I remember briefly crossing paths but I don’t know that we were every introduced. And if that wasn’t you — well, then I feel really silly!
Either way, glad you enjoyed the story and look forward to connecting better!
Adrienne Jurado
Thanks, Harriet!
Yes, this is something that’s been bubbling in the back of my mind for some time. It’s something I plan to address more seriously in the next year or so. Maybe it’s time to rally up with some of my teacher friends and see if we can’t come up with a good starting place. 🙂
Marcus Sheridan-The Sales Lion
Nope, you’re not crazy at all Adrienne. I was certainly there. But it’s hard to forget this mane, ya know 😉
I’m sure we’ll be chatting more…again, great job with this post. You really should be proud.
Marcus
Laura Rupp
What a great story! One that reminds me how much young people need the opportunity to think beyond all the external expectations put on them and consider what they really want for their future. I meet far too many kids who are so unsure about what to pursue in and out of school and just lack direction and motivation. They have everything except a sense of self that will lead them forward in the life they want.
I agree with you that no one was there to ask those probing questions and that is still a void for kids, so apparent to me that I started a business to meet that need which I saw in my own kids and their peers! Your voice is enthusiastic and encouraging and sorely needed, I appreciate your thoughts and am glad you are doing what you are doing!
Adrienne Jurado
Hi Laura, thanks for sharing your thoughts! You say you started a business to meet this need? I would love to hear about it!
Laura Rupp
I am doing what you wish someone had done for you! I work with teens and college students to help them understand their strengths, interests, motivations, and focus so they can make the most informed decision when they have to pick a major and think about good career fit. ( http://www.laurarupp.com or Laura Rupp Consulting on Facebook).
Since I have 3 teens of my own I am immersed in constant discussions, and the stress, of what our kids are going to do. The huge missing piece to me was having a really good way to make decisions without just “trying” things in school until something “sticks”.
Also, I see how schools, some better than others, provide answers, but it is not necessarily the best answer for the individual student! That is why I like what you had to say, because you are talking about the individual knowing what is right for them, knowing who they are, and what makes them happy and excited about life.
I talk to so many adults who realized very early on in their work life that they didn’t want to be doing what they were doing. Some made changes and others just stick it out and are very unhappy. Many of them said they pursued a field someone else said they should follow. Without having a better understanding of themself they often don’t have a reason to choose differently. My goal is to front end that with students so they go forward knowing what they want to do and knowing why something is or is not a good fit. Young people are so ready for self-knowledge and the validation they get from being understood is very empowering. A great way to go forward as they develop into successful adults!
Adrienne Jurado
Wow, Laura, I love your site and your work!! I believe what you do is incredibly important. I’m pretty familiar with personality assessments (MBTI, 16pf), but I haven’t heard of the particular one you use. Sounds very interesting.
Need any help?? 😉
Laura Rupp
Thanks for taking a look Adrienne. Actually, you are already helping me in ways you don’t even know! As a former Philosophy major, I am thrilled to know there is someone like you who sees the value living life based on wisdom and developing a community of wisdom-seekers. Promoting and encouraging a deeper life experience and sharing your own is truly a wonderful gift to all who follow and learn from you! I like your insight, honesty, enthusiasm, and content and will be certain to recommend your work to people I know and work with.
As for the Birkman Assessment, here is a story in Forbes magazine describing Roger Birkman, who developed the assessment. A truly amazing and inspiring person. http://www.forbes.com/2010/10/21/birkman-personality-test-leadership-managing-hiring.html?partner=email
I like this assessment because it goes beyond labels, gets to a deeper level of personal motivation, and identifies specific causes of stress. In addition to indicating strengths, interests, work focus, and career matches. It covers a lot of ground! Am happy to discuss with you further.
You are a kindred spirit and I appreciate the chance to share ideas and encouragement!
Deeone
Adrienne,
Your story is an incredible one. Thank you so much for sharing it.
I’ve been unemployed now for two and a half years. I had begun to believe what my guidance counselor told me in high school, when I went to her trying to see what I must do to prepare for college.
Her exact words were, “You aren’t college material. I would recommend you try to make it out of high school and join the ranks of one of the local factories here in town.”
Man, I was crushed, but sadly I believed her. Not to long after graduation I was hired as a temp in one of those factories in the small town in North Carolina where I’m from. Day 1, I hated everything about it, and I knew that I didn’t want to be there.
When I was sent to lunch on my very first day, I never went back.
Had I not believed in myself, more than anyone else believed in me, I would more than likely still be in that factory; hating my life.
I can say this… whatever I wanted to do in life, I did it. If anyone knew my story, they’d think that I should have turned out to be a doped up drug dealer, someone living on other’s tax dollars, or worse, dead.
But like you, I knew what dreams to let go of and which ones to hold onto for dear life.
Again, thank you for sharing such an amazing story. It indeed is an magnificent one to share. 🙂
Have a most awesome day.
Adrienne Jurado
Deeone,
Holy crap, the story of your guidance counselor made me cringe — I’m so sorry that happened to you!
Good for you for not settling for less than what you knew was possible! Do you mind my asking – how do you spend your time now? In what ways are you realizing your dreams?
Deeone
Well, my dream is to become an author. I’d love to have 3 or more books under my list of accomplishments. I’d be satisfied with knocking out one for now though. Hehe.
I spend my time now reading and learning what it takes to reach that goal, and of course writing. My blog is my instructor, I’m learning a lot about who I am as a individual and what it is that I want out of life.
It was through my blog that I realized the dream of becoming a writer/author was still there, but just lying dormant without any attention from me.
Something else that was important for me to come to the realization of is that no one is to blame for me not obtaining my goals. Regardless of what was said and done to me, the decision is and always has been mine to go after what I want.
It took me a minute to see this… but I’ve got it now, it’s embedded into my very being. 😉
Laura Rupp
I am cringing with Adrienne! Wow, the title “Guidance” Counselor is sure a misnomer – not the first time I have heard of someone giving such useless advice. When a friend of mine told his guidance counselor he wanted to go to college she asked him “why would you want to do that?” (he wasn’t a strong student) He is quite successful now and laughs when he thinks about her response.
My gosh, how great that you could see your way to dreams of a brighter future, one in which you trusted yourself and moved confidently forward. Holding on to dreams isn’t always easy – but it beats living a life without them!
Sherry Ott
Great story to share. I worry so much about my nieces and the choices they feel like they need to make now. I wish I could make them understand that the choice they make now doesn’t mean it has to last forever. Will love to share this with them!
It’s so important for people to continue to evolve and embrace change!
Adrienne Jurado
Hi Sherry,
Glad you enjoyed my story! I know exactly what you mean — I have a little sister who is 16 and bogged down by a ridiculous amount of homework. Fortunately, she has a good head on her shoulders and a good sense of self, more than I did at that age, so I think she’ll make wise choices.
Like you said, it’s important to understand that just because we make a choice, doesn’t mean we can’t change our minds later. 🙂
Did you happen to see Laura Rupp’s response above? She created a site just for that sort of thing, which looks pretty amazing, if you’re interested.
Chris Harris
Hi Adrienne,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I did not grow up having a dream to follow. But I can relate to many of the feelings you shared.
Your story resonates and is re-affirming thoughts and feelings I have on my new direction.
I have subscribed to your blog- looking forward to more of your posts.
Chris
Adrienne Jurado
Hi Chris,
Awesome, glad you enjoyed my “giving up” story — I look forward to connecting with you and hearing about this new direction of yours. 🙂