The Longest 4 Years Of My Life
Mar

Today marks the fourth anniversary that I have been at my current job <insert loud sigh followed by several minutes of weeping openly>.
Now, four years may not seem like a long time, but when you hate your job more than you hate anything else in this world, it’s a VERY long time.
To be honest, I feel like I’ve been working here for a decade. It’s like I’m serving a prison sentence and my parole date has not been determined.
Time has slowed to a crawl as I sit staring at my computer all day, longing for the day I can be free.
Gone are the days of waking up with excitement. Gone are the days of being happy at work. Gone are the days that I gave a shit about what I do for a living.
I’m not writing this post to complain or get your sympathy. No, I am writing this as a warning. A warning to all those people who are doing exactly what I am doing. Waking up every day in order to “do your time” at a job.
This is not what life is all about.
Better Days Behind Me
There once was a time when I actually cared about my profession! Yep, it’s true..
My first few years in the financial services business were not what I would classify as enjoyable by any means, but they were at least interesting. I also had a much better boss who ended up becoming a very close friend.
I can remember walking into my office, and by office I mean a 4×4 cubicle, and being excited about what the day held in store for me. It’s hard to imagine that now, because I know exactly what my day is going to look like now. <insert loud, uncontrollable sobbing>
My office at that time was filled with a group of twenty somethings looking to make it in the cut throat world of finance. We would make sales calls all day and then go out for happy hour afterwards. Good times.
Having coworkers who we actually like and want to be around is paramount. Days go by much quicker and the workplace becomes much more palatable when you have friends in the office. Yea, it was pretty good back then…
Bad Days Are Here
Like I said, these past four years have been excruciating. Each day I show up for work is one less day of life I have left. Do you know the feeling?
You are probably asking yourself why I have endured all these years of suffering. Why is he doing this to himself? Isn’t life all about choices? Can’t he just choose a better job and a better life?
The answer of course is yes. Any self help guru will tell you that making your life better is as easy as making a decision to change. I know, I’ve read plenty of books on the subject and firmly believe that to be true.
If it were that easy though, everyone would be doing it and nobody would be buying those books. The problem is that very few people are doing it and they are selling millions of books.
While it’s not easy to turn your life around, become a happier person, and have a whole new outlook on life, it can be done. It has to be done!
The silver lining in all of this is that I have come away knowing that I am not meant to be an employee, much less an employee in my current firm. I know now what my future holds and it does not include my job.
Odd as this may sound, I spent years trying to convince myself that I was going to be a financial advisor for the rest of my life. You know, have a huge practice, earn a mid six-figure income, drive a BMW, take as much time as I needed off, the list goes on and on…
Do I want all those things? Sure. But I have finally made the decision that I am not willing to sacrifice any more of my happiness to get it. I know in my heart that it’s not the right thing for me.
Better Days Ahead
Looking ahead, I see good things for me. I see a world where I don’t have to report to a miserable boss or spend countless hours preparing financial plans.
I also see a world where I am able to provide for my family through my online business(es). This is an exciting thought, a thought that keeps me awake many nights.
You see, without dreams/goals/passions or whatever you want to call them, we are dead!
If it weren’t for my vision of an incredibly successful blog, I’m not sure how much longer I could last at my job. I know I’ve said this many times and in many of my posts, but my job really is killing me.
Ask yourself, how long could you last in a job that you absolutely hated? Try to think of the worst possible job that you could realistically have and then imagine working there for years, feeling like you could not quit.
Would you snap? Would you walk out? Would you forget about your responsibilities and make a run at happiness? What would you do?
I know my answer, what’s yours?

David
haha I hope your employer and co-workers don’t read your blog!
Right now I am constantly wondering if I am doing enough to get out of my job (which I despise). It’s hard to tell. Sometimes I feel like I should just quit and trust that I will figure something out. Other times I feel like I need to work as hard as possible to start making money outside of my job, but then how would I have time to enjoy life? This leads me right back to where I am now, working a job I hate and spending a majority of my free time doing the things I wish I was doing during my work time.
Kim
Hi David,
My advice is reduce your expenses as much as you can bear to live with. Really, freedom tastes so much better than wings and beer at happy hour, or $5 coffees. I am lucky enough to have a very cheap mortgage paymentm split with my boyfriend, few bills (no cable, cheap internet, low electricity because I lvie in Vancouver where winter is mild), no car payment (I drive a paid for scooter, $20/month insurance, $20/month gas), buy all my groceries at the cheapest family run grocer (actually much cheaper than larger chains for produce), and much of my entertainment is free. I only need $1000/month to pay all bills including groceries. I am debt-free except for my mortgage and my credit card never leaves the house with me – it is for vacations only, and even then only for a car rental, not shopping. Oh, and I don’t shop for clothes – maybe 1 or 2 items/year. I have enough decent classic clothes to last. (I realize this is rare for a woman…) A friend once said, the best accessory you can have is a smile, which I love. That a joy for living. Good luck, hope you can find your way out. We were born to be free 🙂
David
Thanks for the advice Kim. I have been thinking about how to reduce my expenses and your advice has inspired me to actually take some action.
Kim
Hi David!
I was just inspired to write a blog post about this:
http://misskimg.blogspot.com/2011/03/use-less-work-less.html
Really, we all deserve to be free, I believe it is our natural state.
I was inspired to get debt-free by Dave Ramsey – he’s very intense, but it was my daily listen at work (headphones on of course) while I was reducing debt. My co-workers thought I was nuts and treated my like a retarded child who didn’t understand the simple joy of shopping for plastic products that would be in the landfill within 6 months.
But I paid off $18,000 in debt and saved $13,000 for a downpayment in under 2 years. And I will never go back. Also, ‘The Story of Stuff’ is quite good – do a search on you tube, it’s an animation. I’ve work in animation, so I liked it.
Anyhow, best of luck to you – you can do it! And you deserve it too (keep telling yourself that.)
Kim
David
Nice post Kim. I am fortunate enough to be debt free right now and my expenses are around $1000/month as well. So I guess i am trying to build up my online business to at least cover those expenses before I decide to quit my job.
Steve
David,
Yea, that’s definitely a concern, but I feel like I have to share my story with others.
I can totally relate to what you are going through. I have flip flopped so many times and gotten so frustrated, that I almost gave up on everything.
Just keep working on your niche sites and follow your passions. You are a young guy with a great life ahead of you.
I don’t know your financial situation, but I strongly advise that you do not spend any more time at your job than you have to. After all of our emails, you seem to have a good heart and kind spirit. Don’t let a miserable job suck those things away from you, like they have from me. Seriously!
David
My financial situation is ok (no debt or anything), but I wouldn’t feel comfortable quitting my job without some type of income. I guess if I quit right now I would end up getting a part time job somewhere to pay my bills and then I wouldn’t really be any better of than I am now.
I think I’ve said it on here before, but I am in the interesting situation of not hating my job enough. It pays my bills and its not super stressful, I guess I just want more. I hate to sound like I am complaining so I want to say that I am having a good time learning more about myself and what might be the passion that allows me to quit my job.
Steve
David,
My biggest concern for you is that you will fall into the trap of “not being happy, but not being miserable”. People will spend their whole lives like this and wake up one day when they are 65 and realize that they just wasted their entire life. That scares the shit out of me.
David
Damn straight Steve. I need to stay focused on the long term negative outcome that will surely occur if I take changing my work situation lightly.
Mark Cancellieri
I feel exactly the same way, except for me it has been 4.25 years (but whose counting?). I long ago came to the conclusion that I will never enjoy working for other people. I’m also bored by my current profession (accounting), so I am not interested in starting my own accounting business.
My current plan is to continue blogging and hopefully use it as a platform to sell books. One thing I like about my blog is that I’m enjoying what I’m doing, so even if it isn’t a financial success, I will still benefit. The challenges that I’m undertaking are interesting to me.
As far as the job is concerned, this morning I decided that I would try to use it as personal development training. I want to reduce my hours while increasing my output. It will require a much higher degree of focus. Maybe if I’m able to put myself into a flow state more often, the job won’t be as bad. We will see how it goes.
Kim
Hi Mark,
I read your post on willpower and really liked it! I agree, willpower is a finite resource at best. I have automated certain things in my life to deal with this – savings through my bank, for example – and have put other things out of reach to avoid temptation (I hide my credit card instead of bringing it with me, and I have a weekly budget for ‘miscellaneous spending’ and once that’s gone, too bad, wait until next week). I definitely live within my means and manage to save money too, but I’ve had to ‘trick’ myself into it sometimes!
Kim
Steve
Mark,
We are in the same sinking boat I see.
I love it when people tell me that they are going to pursue their passions. It’s great that you love what you’re blogging about and are willing to stick with it even if there is little monetary reward.
Increasing productivity and trying to enjoy your job? Who would have thunk it?? 🙂
Good for you for taking positive action. I hope everything works out for you.
Debbie Beardsley
Vision is what keeps us moving forward. Without a vision we get stuck. My vision now has me getting out of the “grind” and on to the things that really matter to me. I am excited and that is what keeps me moving forward even though I have to come into a job I don’t really like day after day.
Sounds like your vision is doing the same for you.
Steve
Debbie,
You make a great point. Often times, I find myself dwelling on all the negatives about my job (and life), so I constantly have to remind myself that things WILL get better and I WILL have freedom one day.
Harriet`
Sorry to hear you’re feeling so blue =( I hope things look up for you really soon mate =(
Steve
Hi Harriet,
Thanks 🙂
Days like these are tough because it reminds me of the lack of forward progress I’ve made. 4 years is a loooong tim to be in a miserable job and I have done it to myself.
Liv
Haha! As David said I hope your employer doesn’t read your blog! I just came clean on mine yesterday & it feels so good. I just resigned from the job i’ve been in for the past 5.25 years. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t hate my job, but I understand the desperation to be living another life. Chin up and best of luck!
Steve
Live,
That’s awesome! What are your plans? Are you going to be travelling or are you going to get another job right away?
James
Great post – the fact that others have the same thoughts/feelings about work is very comforting, makes you feel less ‘different’!
Steve
Thanks James,
I think my message has resonated too well with people. It’s so sad to see so many people living like this…misery, day after day. It has to stop!
Kim
Steve, first of all, I absolutely believe that you can make it online. You are talented and smart and hardworking and I know that you will succeed. Second of all, I think that what is happening here is a sort of evolution of your dreams. You were working as a waiter and your biggest dream was to work in the financial industry and against all odds YOU DID. That is amazing. And, that was a huge dream. It was as big as you could dream at the time. But now that you’ve reached it, your dream is expanding. You want to create a successful online business, and I believe that you will. And then, what after that? Your dreams won’t stop. I sometimes hear celebraties that are interviewed say that what is happening is “bigger than their dreams.” Every time we reach a goal our vision of ourselves expands. We see that we are capable of more than we ever originally knew possible. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is keep your head up. Four years sucks, but if it provides a paycheck to fund your future dreams, than stick with it and know your day will come.
Steve
Thanks Kim, it means a lot to have the support of people like you.
It’s so easy to forget what we are capable of and it’s so important to be reminded once in a while that we CAN make great things happen for ourselves.
Thanks so much 🙂
Kaytee
A bunch of grown ups living in free countries gather here to cry and sob about their jobs and bosses – boohoo! Really, who put a loaded gun to your head and is making you work in those places? Who/what is stopping you from living your dream, starting your own business or whatever is that you want to do? DON”T give me “I have to pay a mortgage”, “I have two small kids” etc, ’cause so do I and so do most people. Grow some balls and do it.
Steve
Kaytee,
I can appreciate your angle here although I disagree that we are whining about our jobs. The goal here is to wake people up to the fact that we don’t need to spend the best years of our lives working jobs we hate. Life is too short.
Also, you don’t know me. You have no idea what circumstances I have to deal with every day. I never preach to anyone that they should just quit their jobs and go find their passion. There is always something holding us back from our dreams.
Sometimes, it’s nothing more than fear. Other times it’s much more. I am pursuing my passions now with this blog and although I have yet to quit my job, it’s part of my plan.
By the way, what are you doing to live your passions? I’d love to hear your story.
KS
I happened upon your blog, and this post, and then all of the comments from your readers and I have to say I am just so…impressed/inspired/relieved that there are other people out there who feel the way that I do about working jobs you hate to acquire “stuff” that doesn’t make a difference in your happiness. That is NOT life!!! Not a good one, anyway.
Above, Kim said “My co-workers thought I was nuts and treated my like a retarded child who didn’t understand the simple joy of shopping for plastic products that would be in the landfill within 6 months.”
..I can completely relate to that. I often get quietly irritated by people who I can perceive thinking my goals/aspirations/game plans are silly because they don’t take place in a tiny cubicle and because they don’t (yet!) have a guaranteed retirement plan that is obtained from slaving away 35+ years for a boss or company that makes your teeth itch.
A year ago I left a reliable, safe job (for another that required much fewer hours) that I despised to the core of my being. We reduced our expenses and tweaked our mindset and our quality of life increased exponentially. I will never regret that decision and the reward has been to be able to work on my own project(s), and who knows all of the good places that might take me/us.
There’s no reward without risk, right? And anything is better than waking up and dreading the day in front of you.
Steve, your blog is awesome, keep plugging away and you’ll get out of that job and encourage others to strike out on their own, too.
paul
I agree with KS – I found this blog by googling the “we don’t have a lot of time on this earth..” line from office space – great post and comments
The part about the prison/freedom thing is spot on
I cannot tolerate the constraint of having a job. I cannot stand to be owned by anything or having to answer to anyone. I also hate having to do the same routine, namely going to the same place at the same time everyday whether I feel like it or not. It steals my sense of freedom in life. I feel like a prisoner when I am employed and I become depressed from it. I can’t stand waiting for the weekend so that I can be free – then it just goes by so fast and I have to repeat the same cycle over again, counting the days until freedom. Even when I’m not at work I get stressed out that I will soon again lose my freedom. I can’t take it and feel like I’m the only one who suffers so much from having to work.
Steve
Paul,
You are like me and many millions of others. This is a truly miserable feeling when we are here. What are you doing to get out?
paul
I am still trying to find my way :/, Steve
Thanks for the reply, I am on holiday but am back to work on monday and I feel sick about it.
Reminds of school restarting after summer but 100 times worse…
All the best
paul
Steve
Sorry to hear that Paul. Are you working hard on getting out?