The Grass Is Definitely Greener…
Jul

As I sit here writing this on my 46th birthday,with my daughters sitting on the couch next to me and my girlfriend quietly working around the house, I’m at peace.
Pure, unadulterated peace.
But it wasn’t always like this; far from it actually.
And if you’ve read through my posts here, you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about.
Many of you know that I spent 11 years in a career that I loathed and took much pleasure in writing about my journey out of cubicle hell from 2010-2013.
All I could think about what how badly I needed to be working for myself and doing meaningful work. It consumed me and I wrote hundreds of articles about it. A few of the most personal (and powerful) are here, here, and here.
The desire to have freedom over my time and my schedule was the fire that kept me going when things slowly fell apart around me. My writing was the one thing that was mine and nobody could take that away from me.
I still look back at my early writing and am amazed by what I created. It was born from passion, anger, frustration, and the will to beat the system.
And I did. Sort of..
Change….Lots and Lots of Change
Since starting this blog in 2010, my life has changed pretty much 180 degrees. I went from a stressed out, unhappily married, unhappily employed, and overall miserable man to who I am today.
No longer do I have a morning commute. No longer am I married. No longer am I doing meaningless and unfulfilling work. No longer do I dread Monday mornings.
Instead, I’m divorced, in a wonderfully supportive and loving relationship, my daughters and I are closer than ever before, I’m healthier than I’ve been in a decade, and I get to wake up each morning with a purpose.
I get to do what I love each day and that’s helping other dads get and stay healthy.
Life is good and I’m in a good place. Scratch that, I’m in a great place.
But it took work to get here…lots of it. And believe me, it wasn’t all fun and games.
And it was just a few short years ago, in 2014, that I broke free from my office prison and went to work in the field I’m most passionate about; fitness.
It was in that year I decided to carve out my own path and started a real live online business. FitDadNation.com was born and I went all in.
Going All In
Yes, once I made the transition from corporate stooge to full fledged entrepreneur, I went in with both feet. I didn’t have any other option. It became a”sink or swim” situation and I had to hustle my ass off just to make enough to live.
I went from just having to be at work from 9-5 to working all day, every day. I loved what I was doing so it didn’t really feel like work, although those 15 hour days can wear a brother out..
And I’ll tell you straight up that not knowing when (or if) you’ll get paid again is a BIG motivator and what I once took for granted (lunch breaks, video games, wasting time) are no longer viable.
If I wasn’t creating, producing, or connecting, I was failing.
Eight hours of sleep was now a distant memory and surviving on Red Bulls and sugar was how I got through most of the early days. I was so busy in fact that I lost 20 pounds in just 4 months.
And that wasn’t a good thing since I’m not a big guy. At 6’0, I fell to a low of 162 pounds with my pants (and even boxers) falling off of me, and people wondering if I was “sick”..
No I didn’t have cancer, I just had more things to do than I had time.
And I think about all of you who are in the situation I was in for so many years; a situation I was able to get myself out of before it was too late.
And I want you to understand that leaving your job in order to pursue your passion is an amazing thing, but also one that needs to be fully understood before you try…because it’s going to be the most challenging thing you’ve ever done.
Believe me.
There Is No Glory In Misery
After spending over a decade grinding out a miserable job in finance, dreading Monday mornings, and being a slave to egotistical bosses and the almighty cubicle, I am now a different man in a much different place.
On a day like today; my birthday, it only makes sense to take stock of all the blessings I have in my life and be truly grateful for them all.
It’s not something that comes easy as the years of negativity and a strained marriage have taken its toll on my psyche.
But I feel good. In fact, better than I have in many, many years. And it’s because of all the decisions I’ve made in the last four years that led me to this moment.
You see, my life sucked just a few short years ago. My marriage was crumbling, my job was insanely unrewarding, and I thought all my dreams were destined to die along with me (probably at an early age due to a massive heart attack).
But then something happened.
I made the choice to not live the rest of my life for someone else and instead was gong to live it for me. I played the martyr long enough and sacrificed my happiness to keep the status quo going.
It wasn’t working.
And I knew that if I made changes; massive changes, that life would change as well. For me and for my daughters.
And I’d love to end this post by telling you that I have no stress, all the money I could ever want, and ride unicorns all day long, but that’s just not the case.
In fact, life in many ways, has presented more challenges.
Say what?!?
Being an online entrepreneur sounds glamorous and sexy and many fall into the trap of thinking it’s a cake walk. And maybe for some, it is.
But for me, it’s a real struggle. Yes, it’s a struggle I love, but a struggle nonetheless.
The Grass Is Always Greener
The ironic thing about my story is that I spent SOOO much time thinking about how much I hated my job and how badly I wanted to run my own business, that I failed to really understand the magnitude of what actually goes into creating and running a successful online business.
I mean it looks so simple and there are so many “experts” that make it seem like success can happen from little more than starting a website and sharing your story.
But it’s been far from that for me. Really fucking far.
Since starting FitDadNation.com and my online business in 2014 (started as SingleDadFitDad.com), I’ve had my share of uphill battles and have doubted myself more times than I’ll admit to you.
I’ve shed tears of frustration, been on the verge of a total financial collapse, and considered just shutting it all down and going back to get a “real” job.
Pretty crazy, I know.
Why on Earth would I ever consider going back to a j-o-b when I finally have realized my dream of entrepreneurship?? Because it’s insanely fucking hard and there is nobody to hold you accountable…to anything. There are no schedules, no required hours, and no boss.
There are no paycheck every two weeks, no health benefits, and no 401k plan. There is nothing given to you and everything is earned. And if you don’t figure it out, you’ll soon find yourself deep in the shit.
Please understand that I am not complaining because although I still struggle almost every day with one thing or another, I love my life and my choices.
But I want you to understand that your desire to break free from your cushy office job in order to sit on a white, sandy beach with a laptop and a margarita isn’t exactly reality.
I was looking over some of the comments I’ve gotten on this blog over the years and noticed a interesting thing; more than 80% of the bloggers who were pursuing the laptop lifestyle are no longer doing it.
They’ve quit. They’ve gone back to the “safety” of their jobs. They gave up on their hopes and dreams of having a more fulfilling career. In short, they’ve settled.
Why?
Because it’s hard. There is a ton of negativity. It’s risky. It’s unforgiving. It requires great effort. Most fail. And those who don’t stand out, get chewed up.
I’m not here to discourage you. I’m just telling you how it is, for me at least. I’m all for pursuing your passions and living with purpose and I’d love nothing more than to hear your success story.
Hell, I’ll even share your story on here if you’d like.
But I want you to full understand the price you’ll pay for embarking on this journey. Be prepared to fail. And fail. And fail.
Be strong; stronger than your excuses or that little voice in your head telling you to quit.
It’ll be worth it…

Zak
Hi – not sure if I am one of the lucky ones, but I did not find it as difficult – although I did have my mortgage paid off and some savings.
This time last year I was looking to cut the cord and leave my drone corporate life behind. At the time, I was working for more than 15 years as an economist in a financial services company in London. But it was slow death. A bit like that movie Groundhog day – every day – exactly the same. You could not tell one day from the other.
Not to mention the office politics, backstabbing, egotistical employees desperate to climb the corporate ladder at any cost, sociopaths (yes they really do exist…). The number of good people was down to a handfull – London has become very expensive in the last few years so perhaps that has something to do with it.
2015 and 2016 I think I fell into a depression – a proper clinical depression. On paper a great job, no way I can get fired, great salary – but I was absolutely miserable…
So I began building my exit strategy – it took me a year to create a website with affiliate links – similar to you I am in my mid 40s and have a passion for fitness. Added 3 articles per day every working day (would do 2 of them in the office… :)) – and after about a year I was getting about 2,000 visits per day and a half-decent income. That is when I cut the cord – in early September last year.
I can attest to everything you said. You work much harder, but because you are working on what you love, because you are doing something creative that you are passionate about – it doesnt actually feel like work. Mon-Fri, I now typically go all out and work like crazy around 5 hours per day, but its actual work. Compare that to the office work where you are physically present for 8-9 hours, but do maybe 1 hour of actual work.
And since I’ve left the corporate drone but ‘safe’ lifestyle, the website has taken off. I am getting about 6,000 visitors per day now and am actually earning a bit more than in my old corporate job. Something I never dreamed would be possible.
If they offered me my old job tomorrow and doubled the salary – I wouldn’t take it. Not in a million years.
Now, every day is different, no boss, I am free, I do what I am passionate about, no boring meetings about meetings about meetings, no backstabbing… You are rewarded based on your talent and the work you put in – everything I’ve wanted in a 9-5 and couldn’t get. I actually feel alive and happy now and find myself smiling for no reason. Its only when you are on the other side of the wall, that you can see the prison.
Hope this inspires someone else, like your posts helped me make the jump.
Steve
Hey Zak, I love to hear that you’re doing well with something you enjoy. What’s your site if you don’t mind me asking?? I’d love to check it out..
Judy Helfand
Steve, Just so you know I’m still around and do read when you post here. Happy Birthday. We met on-line almost 7 years ago…I haven’t kept up with my blog, as life became more filled with LIFE, but you are 46 and soon I’ll be 68. Nice to hear you’ve found a way to feel complete. Congratulations!
Steve
Hey Judy, of course I remember you and although it’s been a few years, I still think about my old online friends (not as in “age” old lol)…keep in touch!
Name
You’re like an old friend that never calls or writes, LOL! Nice reading something from you again. Glad to hear life is looking up for you and your family. Best wishes and keep on truckin!✌?️
Steve
LOL, it has been a while and I do miss writing here and connecting with so many awesome peeps. I’ll be writing more 🙂
Tony B
Great to hear from you and play catch up with what shizzle is going on around you Steve.
Even better to know you’ve waded through the bog pit and come out the other side.
I’m just about keeping myself accountable these day 😉 it’s a lot easier when I’m focused on the smaller steps in between the bigger goal for me.
Sooooooo glad you’re on the good foot!
Steve
Thank you my old friend! Hope all is well in your world..
Zak
Thanks Steve – I’d rather not say the site name as I’ve had a bad experience with a friend unsuccessfully copying everything from the topic to the design, but I can give you a recipe on what needs to be done:
1) Choose a topic you are passionate about. Ideally, it would need to be in an up and coming product area.
2) Design a website in WordPress – but a nice theme.
3) Start adding articles. Ideally, add 3 per day Mon-Fri, and 1 Sat/Sun. Not all of them have to be long.
4) For ideas on what to write about read similar websites on a daily basis. Follow the news on your topic.
5) Mix it up with news items, product reviews, buying guides.
6) At some point start putting in affiliate links to Amazon or other platforms. I found Amazon to be the best.
7) If all goes well, you should be getting 300-400 visits per day after 6 months, 1000 after a year, and several thousand after 1.5 years+.
8) Paste links to every article you write on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Flipboard, etc..
You stick to this, after a year and a half-2 years you’ll be able to leave your day job. I would suggest keeping your day job and doing this in your free time (or at work if you can get away with it!).
Its important to choose a topic you are really passionate about. Otherwise, what is the point? You are just swapping one job you don’t really care about with another one. This also ensures that it doesnt feel like a job – but rather like a hobby.
That’s pretty much it. You do need persistence though. Its not going to happen in 6 months, or even a year. Sure you’ll be earning some money but not enough to leave your day job. Its only at around the 2 year mark that you start to earn a proper salary.
Best of luck!
Erik von Werlhof
What a great post! This so applies to the situation I am in now. After doing a 20 year stint in the military and currently on a second career but I am SO engulfed in thoughts of “breaking on through to the other side.” I must admit that I get nervous when it comes to thinking about cutting the cord but I do have comfort in the belief that I can make it work! If anyone wants to send some tips my way, by all means do so. Right now my thoughts are on finding something that will provide value and benefit to others.
Cheers!
Erik
Steve
I know the feeling, Erik. What are you most passionate about?
Per
Hello Steve,
found this site a couple of days ago and have spent those days reading a majority of your posts – really useful stuff for me.
I’ve spent a lot of time on the web searching for likeminded views regarding “the grind”. I too am surprised that a lot of people give up so much time so willingly.
That said – I’ve also tried to make a living online, by making an app. Spent about half a year coding it up and that is probably the most productive part of my entire life. The payoff wasn’t great and I found myself in some form of “writer’s block” after that.
So since 5 years I’ve been back as an employee again, and having a hard time, every day, to fight boredom and have any energy left in the evening to spend with my kids (also a divorcee).
Are you still working at the gym? Might have missed a post about that.
Take care!
Steve
Thanks for the message and I hope you haven’t given up. There is no shame in having to go back to a regular job but DO NOT give up your dreams of making it online (or whatever else you want). As for me, I left the gym in 2014 and have been running my own online/offline business since.
Per
Thanks for your quick reply and the encouragement!
I think I might be in a similar spot as you were when you had that interview with Penelope. I don’t (yet) know what I’d like my 8 hour (or such) workday to look like.
I know that I’m usually filled with energy after vacations but after a few weeks at work it gets zapped again.
Maybe I should look at it like a process. I need a couple of months of freedom to figure out what I need to do next. I’ve kind of given up the idea of finding a new job (as a software developer) as the pattern has repeated itself in all jobs I’ve held.
The dilema for me is that I’m an introvert and don’t have a large network. A job for me also serves a social purpose. If I knew I’d have access to people to go to lunch with and have the occasional cooler chat with, if think I’d quit on the spot and pursue my ideas.
What are your thoughts on how to keep socially active while doing online work?
Per
I’ve decided to end my grind. At least for this time. I’ll live on savings for a while , figuring out what to do next. I have some ideas for tutoring, apps…or maybe I’ll just study something completely different (from software engineering).
Pity this blog is not more active, I think it is well needed….maybe now more than ever, at least for people in the software community.
Steve
Good for you, Per. Nothing wrong with seeing where life takes you..