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Aaaah, where to begin? I’ve been laying low for the last few weeks, mainly because I was in Las Vegas, but have also been sorting my thoughts and trying to make sense of everything that’s happened with my blog.

While in Vegas, I thought it would be a great opportunity to reflect on my situation and gain some clarity. As it turns out, Vegas is pretty fucking distracting. Who would have thunk it?!?

The only thing I managed to accomplish while out there was getting my pocket queens cracked on the river by some jackass with 10-6 off suit in a no-limit hold em tournament.

My “vacation” turned out to be more of a hindrance to my progress here, but at least I got to spend some quality time with the king of the penny slots, my father…

Oh yea, did I mention that I almost soiled myself on the flight home as my plane was being tossed around by a shitload of turbulence. Did I mention I HATE FLYING?!?

Back To Life…Back To Reality

Upon my return, I was welcomed back to reality with a swift kick in the nuts. As much as I love my wife and kids, it’s a rude awakening going from sitting in casino’s all day and watching Cirque du Soleil acrobat freaks fly through the air to the constant screaming, whining, and crying.

And that was just from me….

I’ve had virtually zero free time since I got back on Saturday and have been feeling all stressed out about getting some thoughts on paper here. Fine, it’s not paper, but you know what I mean.

I’ve listened to my interview a few more times and have been poring through my comments in search of answers. And as you know (and I do now), the answers are not there. They have to come from me.

And that’s what I’m working on right now…

Yes, I’m Still Talking About THE Interview

As many of you know, my blog (and business) was turned upside down (and kicked down a flight of stairs) in a brief 36 minute conversation with Penelope Trunk.

As many of you also know, I have decided to make some big changes around here and am actually attempt to create a real live business.

The kick in the ass by Penelope (and most of you) was exactly what I needed and I’m very excited about the future. With that excitement also comes a load of fear. Since I made the decision to shift from fun hobby to serious business, I’ve been feeling the stress of having to produce.

And I haven’t even produced anything yet…

I still have so many thoughts and ideas in my head and am even more overwhelmed than when I wasn’t creating anything at all!

I am so overwhelmed by all the possible directions I could go in that I am paralyzed by inaction. I haven’t written at all since my last post and it was very hard for me to even start this post.

Facing Fear

I never really had any fear about my future as a blogger until I started looking at this solely as a business. I had no obligation to post, no obligation to meet any goals, no obligation to produce a single thing.

And it was nice…

And it’s also why I was where I was. Just a guy with a cool blog, a decent amount of traffic, some awesome readers, and no income.

The fear I feel now is new to me. It’s the fear ofΒ  HAVING to produce, the fear of letting everyone down if I cant live up to their expectations, the fear of falling short of my own expectations, the fear of being accountable to thousands of readers.

This is scary shit!

The good news is that I know this is temporary and once I get my head out of my ass, things will start clicking.

Ok, So What Have I Done??

Believe it or not, I actually did get a few things done over the last 2 weeks. The first thing I did was listen to Penelope’s interview again…and again. And then I reread all the comments for the post. That’s about 250 of them and approximately 35,000 words!

I actually pulled 10 questions from the interview, all of which I could turn into a post of their own.

You might want to ask yourselves these same questions as I think they will really open up your eyes.I will address all these questions in detail in future posts, but here they are:

  1. How do I truly want to spend my work day? What do I want to do with my time?
  2. How much money do I need to create to quit my job?
  3. What are my strengths and how can I best use them in a business?
  4. What are my weaknesses and how can I make them an asset instead of a liability?
  5. Why am I refusing to set a real goal? What am I afraid of?
  6. Am I really building something or just escaping reality?
  7. What should I really be focusing on with my business?
  8. Do I need to walk in someone’s shoes in order to follow in their footsteps?
  9. Am I lying to myself about what I want or what I am doing?
  10. Am I committed to actually creating a business or committed to having pipe dreams?

There are really powerful questions and ones that have had me second guessing my motives. For example, I never thought that I was trying to escape reality by blogging. It never crossed my mind.

After the conversation though, I realized that I was in fact doing just that. I was losing myself in a hobby I loved and avoiding some of the pressing issues I have like working on my marriage, dealing with a daughter with behavioral problems, and coping with the stress of never having any fucking money.

This is heavy shit here and millions of us are knee deep in it. Which brings me to my next point.

Life is meant to be enjoyed

I believe this will my heart and soul. Are you really, truly enjoying your life? Neither am I.

What I learned is that it’s not just about quitting a miserable job and doing something that fulfills you. Certainly that’s part of it, but there are so many other areas of our lives that are suffering.

Our society is at a breaking point and if we don’t change things, were going to be sucked into a black hole of depression, ill health, and misery.

My BIG Idea!

So I’ve been thinking about this for a while and it was brought to the forefront by the interview. As much as I hate my job and want to get out of it, it’s just one small piece of my puzzle. There are a number of areas in my life that are not fulfilling and it has to change.

If it doesn’t, I believe I will eventually die a miserable, lonely, and broke old man. And I can’t let that happen. Not for my wife, not for my daughters, and not for me.

What I’d like to write about is change. Not a little tweak here and there, but rather dramatic, life altering change.
I look at the most important things in my life and they look like this:

  • Family
  • Health
  • Financial stability
  • Personal relationships
  • Faith

I’d say these are pretty important things for most people. Well, I can tell you that I’m living at about a 3 with all of them right now and want to be at a 10.

I don’t know if I’ll have the next Tony Robbins turn around story, but I do know that in order to have a more exciting, vivacious, fulfilling life, I need to work very, very hard at all these things.

Are you looking at your life right now as well? Good.

My goal is to change my life in all these areas and become a better man. A better father. A better husband. A Better friend. A better leader. A better role model.

I’ve thought about this hard and I realized that if I quit my job tomorrow, my life would still suck. It would suck much less, but it would still suck.

That’s a harsh reality for me and maybe for you as well. Quitting a shitty job isn’t the answer to our problems. It’s becoming the person we know (or don’t yet know) we can be.

We need to look deep into our souls to find the type of person we have become and if we don’t like it, then we need to change it. Or not.

I could easily drift through life doing what I’m doing. Collecting a paycheck, avoiding any real decisions, not challenging the status quo, merely existing. After all, isn’t that what were told to do? Isn’t that what most of us do?

Fuck that.

Finding Your “Why”

In order to become the person you want to be and live an extraordinary life, we need to find our “why”. I understand that being extraordinary has different meanings for different people. For some, it’s being able to teach children how to read and for others it’s having more time with their children.

And yet for others, like me, it’s about living a life that you LOVE. Being happy with where you are in life, being madly in love with your spouse, having the freedom to have lunch with your first grader at school, being in control of how you spend your precious hours, feeling vibrant and alive, being healthy, active, and energetic.

Is this too much to ask? If you think so, then you are wrong. Dead wrong. So how do I know it’s possible if I’ve never had these things?

Because I believe I can. That’s it.

If you’re struggling with why it’s so important to find your “why”, take a few minutes to watch this talk from Simon Sinek at a TED conference. One of my readers, Todd Pettee, sent the link to me and I’m so glad he did. This is a very motivating video!

What I Want

What I want out of life is everything. What do I plan to give in order to get it? Everything as well.

Will it come easy? Will it come quick? Of course not or I would already have done it. It’s going to be brutally difficult in a sense that I will have to reinvent myself each and every day.

Where I would normally make a decision, I will need to think twice about how it will affect my life. Will I succeed? I honestly don’t know.

This is a huge order to fill and as easy as it is to write, it’s going to be the hardest thing I’ll ever do. I’ll need to reprogram my entire way of thinking about things. My entire outlook on every aspect of my life will need to be questioned.

Why am I doing this you might ask? Certainly nobody is going to turn their life around in such a complete manner. It’s just too hard with all of life’s challenges, right?

I don’t care about any of that.What I care about is the value of life and I place a very high value on mine.

What I care about is using the rest of my life (now almost half over) and becoming the best Steve Roy I can be. And yes, that does include quitting my job. πŸ™‚

Believe it or not, I am a realist. I realize that I cannot do this alone. I have little idea of how I am going to accomplish all of this, how it’s going to look, and how’s it’s even going to be possible. But I know that I’m going to try as hard as I can to make it my reality.

And I need your help. I need your support. And I need you to care. That’s all.

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