You Can Do It, Put Your Ass Into It
Jul
Yea, just like the Ice Cube song, you CAN do it if you put your ass into it. Although the song is definitely not about building a business or pursuing your passions (unless your passion is getting laid), it’s a great metaphor for going after what you love.
Think YOU Have No Confidence?
I graduated high school in 1989 with barely enough credits to get my diploma, a permanently greasy mullet from raiding my mother’s Alberto VO5 stash, a mouthful of crooked teeth, and a cheesy peach fuzz mustache that would make Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite laugh.
Not hot.
I wasn’t in a cool click. I didn’t participate in sports. I didn’t have a girlfriend. I didn’t go to prom.
Needless to say, I wasn’t the most confident kid in school. In fact, I was so terrified of being noticed that I would often “forget” my oral reports in class so I wouldn’t have to humiliate myself in front of others. It got so bad that I was literally one assignment away from not graduating at all.
I can still hear my business communications teacher telling me that if I didn’t get out of my chair and speak, I would be held back another year. Oh Shit.
And as my nervous eyes scanned the classroom for disapproving eyes and felt the warm trickle of sweat running down from my armpits, I quickly mumbled my way through a half-assed presentation about Lee Iacocca and walked away with a solid C-.
Yea, I was that dork who didn’t fit in, was 6 inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter than every other kid in school, and just wanted to fit in somewhere. Anywhere…
But looking back, I realize that I wasn’t a freak, a loser, or anything like that. I just had no confidence in myself. Had I been more confident, I would have had a far better experience in school. Instead of looking back at it now as some of the worst years of my life, I would be thinking about all the kick ass times I had living it up Varsity Blues style!
I know now that I could have been an A student, had plenty of friends, dated a popular girl, and played on the baseball team. But I didn’t believe that was possible at the time.
Confidence Makes ALL The Difference
For every cocky teenager kid who thinks he’s a bad ass and knows everything about everything, there is an awkward and scared shitless kid hiding in his room playing PlayStation 4.
And for every successful business professional who seems to have the world at their feet, there is a hopelessly lost individual sitting in their cubicle taking shit from their boss and coworkers.
And the biggest difference in where they are in their lives is not the Ivy League education or the BMW i Series in their garage, it’s their confidence.
Both are capable of doing great things, living the life they want to live, and spending their days being happy.
One is confident that this is possible while the other is doubtful. One pushes forward in life and the other is reluctant. One knows that setbacks are not failures and one feels defeated when they happen. One knows what they’re best at and uses those skills to get ahead and one has no idea what they excel at and if they did, wouldn’t know how to use them.
I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like Me!
Regardless of how badly you want something or how hard you try, it’s not going to happen unless you actually believe it’s possible. People think themselves out of happiness and success every single day.
And this starts with the confidence that it can and will happen.
On the surface, it’s easy to tell ourselves that we’re good enough, smart enough, and unique enough to be/do/have what we want, but it’s not quite that simple. It’s what is deep within our psyche that grants us the power to achieve at a higher level.
Confidence isn’t something that you just have. It’s learned.
Our minds dictate what happens in our lives. If we think about negative shit all day long, guess what? Negative circumstances fall upon us. I can tell you first hand the destructive power of thinking this way.
A few months after my ex-wife and I separated, I was in a bad place. I had hit a low point and was drowning my sorrows in a diet consisting of a copious amount of Red Bull, Taco Bell burritos, and sad movies.
I was feeling run down, depressed, and just plain shitty. And although I knew that we had made the right decision to split, I missed my daughters, was lonely, and felt like a failure for not being able to hold my marriage together.
I thought about all the bad things in my life, dwelled on what could have been, and sought refuge in things that brought me down even further.
And as things spiraled downward, I began to believe that I was undeserving of happiness. And it wasn’t until I made a conscious decision to stop wallowing in misery and get my shit together that things started turning around.
And you know what? When I started changing my thoughts and habits, I started noticing some strange things happening. Quality people, positive experiences, and good fortune started coming into my life. And I began to believe that maybe I was good enough to enjoy the things in life I wanted.
Put Your Ass Into It
If you think that being confident and believing in yourself is enough to get you to where you want in life, I have some bad news. Unless what you want in life is to sit around waiting for things to happen for you, you’re going to need to do some actual work.
I honestly believe that you are capable of creating an epic life (and I’m not a fan of the word “epic”) but you better be willing to bust your fucking ass to get it.
By all means, if you want to continue down the path you’re on, do it. If you want to improve your life, make a few changes. But if you want to wake up each day feeling like you can take on the world, then get to work and start right now.
Surround Yourself With The Right Peeps
Having personally gone through some heavy emotional shit, I’m here to save you from doing what I did. I can tell you that there is nothing worse than looking at all the bad shit in your life and giving it the power to control you. It can and will suck your confidence and the life from you and if left alone, can seriously fuck you up.
Don’t do what I did. It’s not worth spending even a minute of your life in self-doubt. You have everything you need right now to live a fucking awesome life. You may not see it, but it IS there.
I was fortunate enough to find some great people when I needed them most and I know it made a huge difference in where I am today.
There are people in your life who believe in you and know your true worth. There are people who will build you up and help you become better. And there are people who will challenge you and open your eyes to the endless possibilities that are right in front of you.
Find them.
Part of my upcoming accountability program will be geared towards helping you find that confidence that’s lying dormant and waking it the fuck up! I’ll be sharing all the details about it in my post on 7/29 and am jacked about it!
And here’s the deal. I know you can bust out of your grind and live a great life.
But do you?
Sebastian Aiden Daniels
I would not have guessed that you were that student Steve. I was a mess in high school. Confident every once in a while yet addicted to video games and had suicidal thoughts. I could not stick with anything. My brother and I looked back and realized we could have been really good athletes in school if we had more parental support and if we stayed with things, but we were both so lazy.
I agree that confidence is everything or at least the outwardly show of confidence. You could be a mess inside but if you keep pushing forward and portray confidence then you can get people to believe in you.
I am trying to find those people in my life right now who I can be vulnerable with and who can push me to new heights. I have a lot of great friends, but pretty much none who I can be completely vulnerable with. It is something I am working on.
Thanks for the post.
Steve
Yea Sebastian, my experience throughout high school and middle school was pretty awful. I really had no confidence at all which is one of the reasons I did so poorly with my grades. I just wanted to disappear. It didn’t help that I was such a late bloomer and didn’t really even hit puberty until I was like 19.
I’m really surprised to hear about you though because high school wasn’t that long ago for you. You seem so confident and sure of yourself now. Obviously you’ve done a great deal of work to improve yourself.
I also lost myself in video games and was hooked. It was my way of losing myself from the reality I was living and I know it’s pretty common among kids to do this.
My point about confidence wasn’t to fake it until you get others to believe in you, rather that those who really care about you will build you up because they believe in you, regardless of how you are showing up in your life at that time. There is so much to be said for having those people in your life and you are a wise man for actively seeking them out.
Why is it that you don’t have anyone you can be vulnerable with? How are you working on it?
Sebastian Aiden Daniels
That makes sense about the grades. Confidence levels affect all areas of your life. I have a friend who was like that. He was 5 feet tall until he was about 18 and then he shot up to 6 foot one.
If you saw me then you would think I was confident, but I was a mess inside. I appeared confident in my first three years of college and then it all collapsed and people were shocked that I attempted suicide. I have. I’ve done a lot, I mean a lot, of therapy.
That makes sense. Those people and your relationship with them should be fostered. I know I annoy some of my friends sometimes because I like to look on the bright side and sometimes they just want to complain.
I do to some extent. I am very close with my best friend Catherine but there are still some things I don’t share with her that I am trying to. I am working on it with my therapist and by doing weekly homeworks such as taking steps to be vulnerable with a friend by sharing something with them. It is a process and I have slowly improved almost all of my relationships over the past year through my growth.
Steve
It sounds like we could have been nerds together 🙂 except I wasn’t pissed all the time!
I was so meek that I was afraid of doing anything to get myself noticed. I’m sure there were people who didn’t even know I could speak.
And that does suck about that guy. I had something similar happen as well. I was afraid of asking anyone to my prom so I didn’t and in the days after it, a girl in my class asked my why I didn’t ask her. I think I stammered out an incoherent “I..don’t..know”
Tracey Pedersen
Urrgg…don’t mention school! My 25 year school reunion is coming up and I can’t really be bothered going. I went to the 10 year one and it was as though we were right back there in class. The cool kids were still cool, the rest of us weren’t! I’m dreading it, even though I’ve published 5 books this year, run multiple websites and travel the world. It’s not even a lack of confidence any more. It’s that I just have no interest in them! Glad to see you worked out that school could have been better had you been more confident at that point. Plenty of people live their whole life feeling like they did at school! Feel loved from this comment eh? Adrienne would be proud! 🙂
Steve
Tracey,
I let my experience in school control me for a long time and I realize how much energy I wasted on it. When I went back to my 10 year HS reunion, I saw the same people doing the same ol shit and it was depressing. I’m sure you have accomplished far more than the majority of people in your class.
And it is so sad to see people who are holding onto their early days either for being their “glory” days or because they had such a hard time. And thanks for the blog love 🙂